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- 3 lbs!!

Felt fantastic this morning!!
Not feeling that hungry. Switched back to taking the drops three times a day.
Started spotting for my period about a week and a half early with no real warning signs.
Having a harder time drinking all my water but still peeing every fifteen minutes.
Bad breath.
Mild constipation.
Exercise: power walked 1.5 miles.

- .6 lbs.
I’m pretty happy with any loss after what I shoved in my face over the weekend. ?

Today switched from taking 12 drops three times a day to 18 drops once in the morning and once at night.
Mistake! I was pretty freaking hungry all afternoon.
Had stomach cramps and loose stools most of the morning.
Peeing all the time.
I reread my info and took a tip of drinking two bottles of water right before bed.
Exercise: walked one mile.

I actually am writing this on 10/13/11but I wanted to backdate it to the day I actually started the diet.
So if you want to give an opinion on the HCG diet please go go here first and read the first part.

K, now that that unpleasantness is over. I was feeling really discouraged in myself and dieting and gaining and losing the same five pounds. It was around that time one of my friends posted on Facebook that she had just lost 28 lbs in 40 days on the HCG diet.
I remember a couple of years ago, another friend had done this with great success as well so my curiosity was peaked.
After much online research I contacted the friend that had recently followed it and she sent me all the info she had on it. A quick trip to Pharmica to pick up the drops and I was on my way.
I started loading on Friday. My friend advised to load for three days instead of two to make sure I didn’t starve during the diet portion. For those un familiar with the diet, the loading phase is where you eat as much fat as possible.
I scarfed down fried chicken, Mac n cheese, bacon, mozzarella sticks and that was just for starters.
The VLCD (very low calorie diet) began on the 10th.
I’m going to try and update this blog daily with my observations.
Here are my findings from day one:

Not hungry.
Very cranky.
Pretty tired.

That was all I had written down. Pretty simple. Stayed completely on plan and didn’t have any real hunger. No exercise and was in bed by eight thirty.

As you know when weight loss blogs become silent it is usually not a good thing.

I lost fifteen pounds on the purification program back in January and promptly lost all motivation and gained it all back plus a couple more.

I don’t know what is wrong with me but I have lost all my drive and focus.  Exercise has become unimportant and I’m feeling depressed and tired all the time.  None of my clothes fit and I refuse to buy bigger sizes since I gave all my fat clothes away…that means that my muffin top just keeps growing and there is only so much camouflaging I can do…

More than the looks department, there is the depression that has taken hold and I KNOW what will make it better.  I know that exercise and eating right always clears my head and makes me feel happy and focused.  So why am I denying myself what I know will make me feel better?  Why do I choose to be depressed?  Because essentially that is exactly what I am doing.  Is it easier for me to just sit on my butt and feel sorry for myself than to spend an extra 30 minutes doing something active that will change my outlook for the entire day?  Apparently, I seem to think so.

I have had a lot of my plate recently.   Family issues sent me back to Maine for two weeks where all I did was stress out and eat and I haven’t been able to shake it.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be turning 37.   That is three years away from 40.  I am no where near where I wanted to be at this stage in my life.  So I am taking it back.

Along with a lot of girls in my office I will be going back on the purification for 21 days.  After that I am going back to what has always worked for me.  Counting calories and exercise.

When I was back in Maine I found two beat up pieces of notebook paper that I used to use to keep track of my weight loss.  The dates ranged from mid April of 1994 to January of 2005 and chronicled weights from 203 to 174.  Week by week it showed the downsizing, including the sizes of the jeans that I got into at certain weights.  All I was doing at that point was keeping myself at 1200 calories and working out daily.  It didn’t come off super fast(about 1.5 a week) but it did come off steady and I remember how happy I was back then.

Tomorrow I’m going to take some before pictures and get back on this thing.  While the weight coming off will make me look better, it is more about making me FEEL better this time around.

I’m on week two of the purification and dreaming of all the foods I’m going to eat when I go off this thing.

I know that is counter productive but I can’t help it.

The first week I didn’t really have many cravings but this week they are starting to kick in. Isn’t it supposed to go AWAY the longer you are on it? I seem to be doing the opposite. Figures.

I do feel better. My mood is really improved and my skin seems to be looking more clear. I’ll tell you that I’ve never been more regular in my entire life! Heh.

I’m trying to avoid getting on the scale every morning because there isn’t anything I can really do to alter my diet anyway so I just need to let it be a surprise at the end of the 21 days. Easier said than done for a scale-a-holic like me.

I’ve been walking every day since Sunday. I did two miles with Pappy on Sunday and I have been doing the loop(1.7 miles) at work every lunch break. It’s really been helping keeping my energy level up without caffeine.

On that note I have to say I love water. It is usually my beverage of choice but when it is THE ONLY THING you can drink it starts to get pretty old. I miss my carbonation. A LOT!

Tomorrow I get to have chicken and or fish. I can’t tell you how excited that makes me. I remember looking at my calendar when I first started this and thinking how far away 11 days seemed and now it will be here tomorrow so that is something.

Rehearsals and work have proven to be some great distractions. The weekends are pretty tough. I have to keep myself distracted to keep myself from wandering into the kitchen and grabbing some bad snack food. It’ll be worth it though.

Now if only I can stop dreaming of pizza, Chinese food, grilled cheese sandwiches and French fries I’ll be okay.

?

Wow.

Today was a pretty big day for me.  Okay, that is an understatement.  Today was a huge milestone in my life.

I walked the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Half Marathon.

I say walked because that is what I did the majority of it.  I did jog a bit of it but by no stretch of the imagination did I run it.

It all started back when I began running.  I was doing quite well and was very proud of myself and it seemed like a great goal to sign up for a half marathon.  I was in a new romance with running and have a long standing romance with Vegas so it just seemed natural.  So I shelled out my money and signed up.

…then I strained my IT Band and it sidelined me for a good amount of time.  I was disappointed but was sure I could get my training back on track and be fine for the marathon.

…then I got involved in a local play.  It zapped a lot of my time and energy but I was sure I could get back to my training and be fine for the marathon.

…then I got sick.  TWICE.  But I thought sure…blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

So the last few weeks I have been busting my hump, walking the loop on my lunch breaks and doing long distances on the weekends but I  couldn’t fight the fear that I just wouldn’t make it.  I had already shelled out the money so there wasn’t really an option of going back.  I had long conversations with The Hubs and he reassured me that I could do it but I couldn’t help fighting the nagging fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew.

Today I finished the half marathon in 3 hours and 42 minutes.  Not the best time I was hoping for but I DID IT!  It was painful and the last two miles I REALLY wanted to give up but I DID IT!

I finished and found my husband and immediately broke down crying.  I couldn’t tell him why I was crying, but I couldn’t really stop doing it.  Everything hurt.  I was so sore and my feet were wrecked but that really wasn’t the reason I was crying.

I am still overweight.  I may always will be.  But I am nowhere near as HUGE as I used to be.  When I first moved in with The Hubs, I could barely walk our dog Romie down to the end of the block without my lower back seizing up and making me stop and catch my breath…and we lived in the MIDDLE of the block!   There was a point that I couldn’t tie my own shoes because I was so overweight so I always bought slip ons.

After I had lost a few pounds, I then had an anxiety problem that crippled me in the way of walking out in open spaces.  I literally needed to have something to hold on to to get to my destination.  If I didn’t I could only walk completely hunched over, staring at the ground until I got somewhere were I knew I would be supported.  I can’t explain it but I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall down in open spaces.  I was so scared that I would fall and that fear just fed into my anxiety until it was out of control.  I don’t pretend to understand and I don’t know how to describe it to others but it was very much there.  It had a lot to do with my stress level at the job I had at the time because once we moved and I got a new job it gradually went away.

So as you can see, I had some issues with just being able to walk.

Today, I paid a good amount of money to walk 13.1 miles.  And I did it.  And I got a shiny medal for it that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart.

This medal means so much more than just finishing a half marathon.  This medal means that I have conquered so many fears and doubts about myself that I can’t even name.

That was why I couldn’t stop crying when I finished.  It was a release of many years of being held captive by my own mind and body.

I did it!

So many of my friends and family have helped cheer me on along the way.  Giving me hope and encouragement when I had none of my own.  You ALL told me that I could do it. You ALL believed in me and I didn’t believe in myself.  I love you so much for that.

Special shout out to my husband.  He was not only behind me every step of the way but he was there to lift me up when I fell.  He was privy to a lot of emotional downfalls during my journey and had nothing but positive words and actions to help me through.

Today when he met me after I was done I fell apart.  Because I knew I could.  I knew he would understand and get me through the rest of the day no matter what.  He is a special man and he had stuck through me from 300+ pounds to current and has never wavered with his love and devotion.

So while the medal means a lot to me and I will always look at it with pride, I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that love me and help me out when I need it.  You know who you are. 

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