Monthly Archives: April 2017
Okay, this is just amazing to me. I haven’t been able to lose more than a total of seven pounds in about four years. I get gung ho the first week and then start to lose all motivation because I get caught back up in the fact that I love to eat.
When I was losing weight before, I don’t even think it was because I was dieting, but because I was running and burning calories.
I have lost this current weight without even working out!!! Other than choreography for the play, which is nothing compared to my two mile runs every day that I used to do. I can’t even believe it.
Literally. There is a part of me that wonders if the scale needs new batteries or that I need new glasses, but the proof is in the pudding. My jeans are literally falling off me. I had to wear a belt for the first time in forever this week. I look in the mirror and see my double chin going away and my cheekbones emerging. I’m having to tighten my bra rather than wear an extender.
It’s all pretty exciting to say the least. When I first started this blog I stated that I wanted to lose 20 pounds before we take our trip to Vegas in May. Well, I did it! I can’t even believe it. 20.8 to be exact as of yesterdays weigh in. So I have achieved my first mini goal!!! It’s so boggling my mind that I am where I am already. I mean, I know it’s been almost three months, but it really doesn’t seem that long to me. And I really don’t feel like I’m depriving myself much of anything. I mean, I guess it did in the beginning, and I do remember being much more hungry at first, so I guess it is really true that you just need to give yourself enough time to make or break a habit. I don’t even really think about it anymore, I just eat what I know is going to be good to my body and that’s it. Keep my portions small on the bad stuff and fill up on the good stuff. It sounds so stupidly simple when you put it like that, but it’s true.
My broken big toe is finally starting to heal much better now that I’m not dancing on it three days a week, so I’m hoping to actually start getting some exercise in soon. Nothing more than walking and some Walking Off The Pounds DVD’s but it will at least get me moving and getting my heart rate up.
Not much else to report on the weight loss front, I think that is a lot actually. I guess I should set a new mini goal. I have the whole wedding ring thing but I think that’s going to take another month or so.
I guess I’ll go with getting back into a comfortable size 20…though I think I gave them all away when I gave up on ever losing weight, but I can be convinced to go shopping I suppose. 😉
So Friday marked my 9th weekly weight in since I started trying to eat better. I was shocked and amazed to see a 2.2 pound loss when I stepped on the scale. Also, very happy. 🙂
So this brings my weight down to 257 and my total loss to 15.2 pounds.
I haven’t seen the 250’s in about a year so this makes me very very excited.
The weight I was most comfortable at while still being “morbidly obese” was around 220. I was fitting into a size 18 jeans and generally felt really good about my appearance. Of course I was also running on a near daily basis at the time while training for a half marathon, but still…that was my weight.
At this stage in the game though, any loss is a welcome loss. Or even, just not a gain. You see, I’m still not really being super strict or counting calories yet. I’m just cutting my portions down and making better decisions. I’ve got a basic concept of what works for me during the week and I’m just trying to stick to it. Chicken, brown rice and a veggie for dinner. Overnight oats for breakfast and something well balanced for lunch. Veggies and fruits for snacks and I’ve cut out most diet sodas.
I’m beginning to see the loss in my face. My double (triple) chin is getting a bit smaller and my cheekbones are becoming a little bit more pronounced. I really wish I had taken some body shots when I started so I have a real documentation, alas that didn’t happen. I did take some the other day so I will at least have something going forward.
What I am starting to notice are other little things that are changing for me cosmetically. Things I had basically just stopped trying at.
I had pretty much given up on trying to look pretty. My clothes were straight up tee shirts and jeans. Why bother to try and dress nice when everything you wear looks like a sack of potatoes anyway right?
Well, lately I have been buying some new items online. Nothing major, but before I was rotating the same three shirts and the same pair of jeans every day. Now I have a little more variety and some of the things look a lot cuter on me than they would have fifteen pounds ago.
Also, my skin has been a wreck for most of my adult life. I have rosacea, but I’ve never really even attempted to take care of my skin. Turns out that I also have a skin condition I never knew existed. Milia is the name of those white bumps I have scattered all over my cheeks, just under my eyes. I had always assumed they were very stubborn white heads that could only be cured by lancing them and pushing out the small white ball inside it. While you can do this method, they are not whiteheads, but are actually small cysts that are filled with keratin. I had no idea! And I just assumed that I was stuck with these suckers for life. I have had them over a decade and other than lancing them, I have never gotten them to go away with any sort of acne cream – which makes total sense now.
Anyhoo, I gave up on my skin because it was in such a bad way. I would slather on the foundation to cover the rosacea, but the texture of my skin was always off due to the milia. I just learned to live with it. About a month ago, I started using a pretty standard moisturizer. It was just a hydrating gel that I got when we went to Korea to keep my skin from drying out on the plane. I have been using it every single morning after my shower and nothing else. I have found that the texture of my skin is getting better and it doesn’t look so dry and my pores aren’t as prominent.
Yesterday while researching something else, I stumbled upon an article about Milia and found that you can treat it by using raw honey on them. I started that yesterday and we shall see how it goes.
I finally gave myself a much needed haircut yesterday as well. My hair was almost down to my butt and just a mess of straggly split ends.
My point is, that at some point in my weight gain, I gave up on everything else. My clothes. My face. My hair. Even my bra. My stomach was so big that wearing an underwire hurt, so I started buying granny bras and wearing them. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it didn’t do wonders for my self esteem.
I’m now feeling like it’s worth trying to make myself feel that much better by liking other things when I look in the mirror, not just my waistline.
I view this as a huge win. While it is not a win on the scale, I think it is even better than that.
Okay, so I planned today to be a cheat day for me. GODSPELL closed last night and we as a cast were super sad and cried a lot on stage when we had to say goodbye to Jesus. This cast is a very close knit group and the emotions were running very high. Still are for me. I’m very sad to see this go…probably more so than I ever have been in all the productions I have ever done.
Having said that, our cast party was today at the directors house and almost everyone showed. It was a pot luck and everyone brought so many yummy dishes. I had a plan to be moderately good when I got there. Eat a tiny little portion of everything and that was it. I’m not sure what happened.
I didn’t go hog wild or anything. The alcohol was easy to avoid as I was driving myself home, but for some reason I decided to drink a full sugar ginger ale instead of a diet soda. When I filled my plate I got a slice of pizza, a mound of teriyaki meatballs, a large scoop of rice pilaf, a drumstick of fried chicken and a large scoop of macaroni salad. I ate it all.
After that I was quite full and switched to water for my beverage. I grazed on a few more meatballs, but that was about it.
The reason I am confessing this is because I wanted to document the way I currently feel. I got back from the cast party about two hours ago and I have felt an overall sense of ick. Lethargic, bloated, gassy and not looking forward to eating anything at all. Normally I would have a little something before bed, but I am just not into it. Even though I might be hungry, my body is just done.
I have however, prepped all my food for tomorrow. Lots of fruits and veggies for snacks and chicken, brown rice and green beans for my lunch.
Tomorrow I pass the “Stage torch” to my husband as he goes into deep rehearsals for the music on a play for the week and I am in charge of food and household chores. I am looking forward to cooking and getting good things together.
So I have learned that while the food was yummy, I would have been perfectly happy to socialize with my friends with much less food and I would be feeling much better right now.
Every day is a lesson.