Yup, here I am again.
If you are reading this entry, I would like to explain the archives of this blog have been pieced together via the Wayback Machine that can show you old archived web pages. Because I have been a bit of a impatient dumbass in the past, I had lost most of my entries when I switched over to a new domain host. Yeah.
It’s nothing that I can change at this point, but I spent a lot of time last week copying the old entries over from the wayback machine and so some of the links and images probably no longer work. I just wanted to explain why.
I have shifted back and forth on different blogs over the years, but I think it’s time to come back to this one. This is a very diet neutral name and it’s one of the original ones if not THE original one that I started all those years ago. I just loved the name and so here I am.
I have resurrected my old YouTube channel by the same name as well, because…might as well keep it all in the same vein right? Back when I started that channel it was primarily for low carb recipes. It was a little show I called Low Carb Cafe and I really enjoyed and miss making those videos. So they will be back, but I’m also expanding the channel to vlogs and weigh ins and such so that it’s all my content in one channel. Much like this blog.
So things have been going meh for me as far as the weight loss. I’ve gone in ebbs and flows like always. I lost about 40 lbs with low calorie and portion control only to gain most of it back when I fell of the wagon.
In December of 2017 my husband had a heart attack and his dr recommended keto so we have been trying that ever since. And when I say that we have been trying that, I mean that we were really good for a few months, he dropped 30 lbs and I 15, but then I just couldn’t stick with it. I kept cheating at work and not telling my husband and pretending I was eating fine at home. We both fell out of the exercise routine and in turn fell stagnant on the weight loss front.
My anxiety and depression have played a really big part in me not wanting to do anything – also I discovered that now when I lower my carbs I get heart palpitations when I don’t supplement with sea salt because I get super low on electrolytes. It makes me not want to do the diet because I just don’t want to deal with that.
The latest set back is that my husbands mother has been in a health crisis. Her kidneys are failing and she has lots f blockages in her heart, but she only has a 10% chance of surviving surgery. So basically she was sent home a month ago to die.
In pulling her off of 15 of her medications however, they didn’t anticipate that she would bounce back. She went from being bed bound to going to Target the other day.
What this has meant for us, is that we have been heading over there most nights after work and cooking food for her…whatever she wants since they took her off dietary restriction. Since we then get home with only an hour or so to relax before bed, that leaves us at the mercy of eating whatever she wanted and also bringing those leftovers to work for lunches the next day.
Let’s just say it hasn’t been Keto, or even moderately healthy.
We made a decision this weekend that we were just going to have to suck it up and either make her meals more towards our diet, or we would have to cook a bunch on our “nights off” to supplement the meals that we won’t be eating at her house.
I’ve just been to the grocery store to stock up, and we’ll see what I can cook up tonight to get us ready for the next few days.
So that is what is going on with me. I weighed in yesterday at 257 lbs. That is up about 20 pounds from my recent lowest. I’m hoping to reign all this in and start exercising again too. Thus dusting off the YouTube channel and this blog.
Wish me luck!!!!
So I started on the Monday before last at 265 and I weighed in on last Monday at 260.4 for a total loss of 4.6 lbs.
Not at all a shabby start to any diet. However, it could have been more, and it was. I’m sure you can all see where this confession is leading.
When I woke up last Saturday, I weighed in before my shower at 258.4. Seven pounds down. I was super excited and happy about it, but I knew that we were venturing into San Francisco that day to meet up with friends and colleagues of my husband for lunch and dinner. We do this about once a year and of course it is always centered around food.
I went in with the best of intentions. I scoured the menu of the first fancy steakhouse (we weren’t paying) and found that the only thing that was on the purification was a small mixed green salad. Okay, I would have that. But by the time we actually got to SF and everyone had gathered, I was STARVING and was already starting to cave. Rob and I decided to compromise and SPLIT the Asian skirt steak salad and an order of spring rolls. The salad was more on my diet than not other than the meat and the peanuts. It was greens and a cilantro vinaigrette dressing with oranges and of course the meat and peanuts. It was also fantastic! The spring rolls, were okay so I didn’t snack too much on those.
Having eaten “light” with our first meal, I was hungry again when we got to the second place to meet up with a high school friend of my husbands and her family. It was a gourmet hamburger eatery and the while there were lots of salad options, I had slunk into the: “Well, I already blew it.” mode. I’m not hard to convince of this when on a diet. I am weak. The good news is, Rob and I split the meal again. We got a Western BBQ Bacon Burger that was almost more bacon than burger and curly fries, but we split it and I didn’t feel like a TOTAL pig after.
Sunday I hopped right back on the diet in full force and then on Monday we had arranged to get dinner and bring it to our friends Laura and Josh’s because we hadn’t seen them in forever and our schedules finally gelled.
Please understand that my husband and I NEVER go anywhere or socialize. We go to work and come home and then veg all weekend. So the irony that all this FOOD socializing was taking place while I was on this diet is not lost on me.
Anyhoo, the only place that anyone agreed on between our work and their house was a Mexican restaurant that didn’t serve any type of salad. I opted for the fajitas because it was mostly just meat and veggies. I did eat the tortillas, I was hungry and weak.
What I haven’t done is give up. Normally at this stage in the game having cheated twice in less than two weeks, I would throw in the towel and bring on the fried foods, but I haven’t. This week has been all about the fruits and veggies and today I get to add meat.
So I will take my 4.6 loss and keep moving forward. Rob is out of town tomorrow and Saturday night. That is usually grounds for me to get my favorite Thai food and eat on it all weekend, but instead I’m going to get a rotisserie chicken from the store and eat it with some brown rice and a sweet potato and it’s going to feel like cheating! 🙂
I will check in next Monday with my next weigh in.
So it’s interesting to me, that my “meals” have become more of a variety of snacks than full on meals. For example- this morning for breakfast I had a small bowl of pureed squash, pepper strips dipped in homemade “zucchini hummus” and followed with one of my shakes as desert. Lunch was a small bowl of homemade veggie soup, followed by carrot sticks dipped in the same hummus and a half of an avocado. I never feel stuffed, but I always feel satisfied. And to be quite honest, I was getting sick of the overly full feeling I was getting from every meal lately. The disgust that I felt that I had eaten that much, followed by the carb crash about an hour later and the desperate sodium thirst that happened after. It had been a pretty never ending cycle for me for quite some time recently.
Having said that, I can’t deny that I see all the snacks and food we have at home and I just want to dive in. While I feel “satisfied” most of the time, it would be so much easier to grab a bag of chips rather than cut up veggies. To make a quick sandwich for lunch tomorrow would be very simple compared to prepping all the things needed to go in a salad, or gathering all my “snacks” together to make a meal. Convenience has ruled my life and my diet for a very long time. Even when I lost all my weight initially, it was because the low carb craze had hit and hit big. There were little low carb pop up shops where you could get everything under the sun! Low carb cereal and pizza. Even Cheetos and Doritos came out with low(er) carb options at the time. It was a full on mania and I loved it.
Having to prepare meals every single night just gets old. I know that sounds really stupid, because…well, that is what adults do right? You come home and make dinner for your family. I guess I’ve gotten complacent and quite frankly, lazy. Wow. See, this is why I blog. That was a realization for me right there.
Okay, it’s no secret that I’m lazy, that’s not what I meant. However, I just realized how much I have been doing myself a disservice by thinking that cooking takes up too much of my free time. By wanting the convenience of fast meals for myself and my husband all week, simply so I could watch more TV and play on the internet, I have really been cheating myself out of a healthier body and mind. Not to mention the exercising I could be doing to make my mental health better again. I do realize that isn’t rocket science, and I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind I have known this all along. But for me to put it on virtual pen to paper, it hit home really hard right now.
All this week I have been going to bed early – mostly to read and fall asleep. This is because I’m afraid I will want to cheat on my diet if I stay up in close proximity to the kitchen until I “get tired”. I haven’t watched TV at all this week and I haven’t missed it.
I had forgotten how much I love reading until my eyes are too tired to stay open and then closing them. Maybe not falling asleep right away, because I am replaying what just happened in the book in delicious detail in my mind, but loving every second of doing so. That used to be a habit from my childhood. Back when we couldn’t afford cable or phone and there was no internet. I loved that.
Wow. I think I need to go let that sink in for a minute.
Let’s just let that sink in for a second shall we? That was my weight as of Monday morning. That is LESS than forty pounds away from being 300 pounds again. It’s true that I don’t know how far above 300 I actually got at my heaviest because my scale broke (poor overworked thing!), but it doesn’t matter.
I feel every ounce of this weight gain. In fact, some days I feel even heavier than I did at my highest weight. I know that has a lot to do with age. When I was 300 plus pounds before, I was in my early 20’s. No real health worries other than that pesky high blood pressure. Hello? I was put on blood pressure meds when I was 26 years old, and I wasn’t concerned that much? Hmph.
Anyhoo. None of this news should surprise me because it’s not like I’ve been doing a whole lot to try to lose weight, let alone maintain my current weight. I dabbled in low carb again for a minute, but had such a horrible attack of gastritis brought on my my diverticulitis from all the almond flower and broccoli I had eaten, that I didn’t dare to try again. Really, wasn’t that just an excuse though?
Then it was all about the trip to Korea coming up. No sense in dieting because we are going to eat whatever we want while we are there. And after we got home it was just one excuse after another.
Truth be told, after 30 some odd years of dieting, I’m just TIRED of it! It’s hard and I don’t like things to be difficult. I like to be able to eat whatever I want and then lay about on the couch like a big slug and never have to worry about my health or how I look.
Yes, I am fully aware that is pretty much everyone’s dream as well, but at least I’m being honest. And furthermore, I am so sick of working out. I went on such a great stretch of running and training and I felt and looked great. I don’t know where all my motivation has gone. It makes me very sad and kind of disturbed. Like I’m giving in to the depression that has always loomed heavy around me my whole life. I hate it so much, yet I know exactly what I need to do to change it and I refuse. I just can’t get out of my own head!
Having said that, I started the purification diet again on Monday. It lasts 21 days, so I know it isn’t forever and I am familiar enough with it that I could sort of launch myself into it with little prep. Not to mention the first time I did this diet, I lost 15 pounds in three weeks. I’m not expecting the same results this time, but that would be nice. 😉
This time around there are many more recipes to keep variety alive on the SP website, so that is encouraging. Sunday I made some vegetable soup that I have been eating for lunch the last two days. Tonight I made some hummus made from homemade tahini, zucchini, olive oil, lemon juice and a couple other spices. While it isn’t the hummus I know, it will be so nice to dip my veggies into something after eating them plain the last couple of days.
So I’m rounding down day two tonight and it hasn’t been easy at all. In fact, I can’t tell you the number of times I have almost reached for some sort of food not on the diet just out of sheer habit, but I’m doing it. I hope to add exercise soon, but I’m not going to push my luck just yet.
All I can do is keep trying right? I’m still not feeling gung ho, or 100 percent on this, but I’m just putting one step in front of the other at this point. Hopefully I will get where I need to be.
Yeah, I haven’t been doing so good on the diet. I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds +1 because I was not working out, and I have cheated every single weekend. I have had no self-control.
I believe it was weight watchers that recommend 10 percent goals. I think I’m going to have to start some reward system for myself because my current “Goals” aren’t working.
In case you were wondering, my current goals are just to lose weight for certain events. My husband’s 30-year reunion is next month, and I’d like to look nice for that. Our trip to Maine is at the end of August, and I’d like to be back in a size 18 like I was the last time I was there two years ago. Our trip to Vegas is in November and well, you know the drill.
None of that seems to keep me motivated though so I’m thinking an actual reward system with material rewards might start helping. Maybe some sort of reward on the trips, like putting the money aside for a show in Vegas or a shopping trip in Maine. Hell, maybe just a new pair of shoes here. 😀
That is where the 10 percent goals come into play.
Ten percent of my current body weight is 26 pounds. When put like that, it hardly seems as daunting of a task as losing a hundred plus pounds right?
Ten percent after that would only be 23 pounds. I like how the goals get smaller the more I lose! I’m not going to put a time limit on them because that is just a recipe for disaster, but I am going to set the goals for a pretty good prize. Am I thinking massage? Oh, yes…I think so!
See how I just talked myself into that?
Hubs and I took an extended four-day break from the diet because both of us seemed to have lost all desire to cook and on low carb that is kind of important.
I got back on the bandwagon on Tuesday and have not only been eating on point but have actually worked out for the last three days! How come I’m not skinny yet?? I peeked at the scale this morning and I appear to be down 3 pounds since Tuesday. I will officially weigh in tomorrow to get my weigh-ins back on a normal schedule and go forward from there.
I just have to keep focused. I hope the small 10% goal reward system will work!!
Okay so there is a reason there was no week three weigh in. Lemmie explain…
Once or twice a year I like to recharge my batteries. The way that I do this is to get a hotel room in a nearby city that has a pool and a hot tub, as well as nearby shopping and I go there. By myself. I bring books, the laptop, my crochet and anything else that I have wanted to do but can’t seem to find the time in my busy day to day life.
I was really run down and burned out the last couple of weeks. I was depressed and angry a lot, and I knew it was time to take that trip to aloneland.
I told myself I was going to stay on my diet. With the bunless burgers and steak and eggs of the world, I would be fine eating out for my meals. I even brought some lunch meat and cheese to snack on since the hotel had a fridge.
The decision to stay on low carb that weekend didn’t even last until I got to the hotel.
Friday night I had Pizza Hut deliver medium pan Ultimate Cheese Lovers Pizza and boneless wings. (You know the kind with the breading!) Also, I snacked on the Ritz crackers I had bought when I got gas earlier that day.
Saturday I woke up and ate leftover pizza for breakfast. I got dressed and went shopping at the local mall where I got a medium Peanut Butter Cup Perfection bowl at Coldstone and ate every last drop. I then proceeded to pick up some Panda Express for dinner when I got back to the hotel. In addition, I stopped on the way back to the hotel and picked up a bag of Cheese Puffcorn to snack on later that night. Sunday morning I hit up their continental breakfast and filled up on half an English muffin, eggs, country potatoes and a blueberry muffin that was more muffin than blueberry.
Yeah, I went a little crazy. I do NOT regret doing it though. It was part of my “let me do whatever I want and feel no judgement from anyone” weekend, and it was exactly what I needed to get my head on straight again. I also hit the hot tub and swam a lot which also helped.
I didn’t get on the scale again until that following Tuesday and what I found shocked even me, and I KNEW how much I ate that weekend: 258.6
I was very much taken aback and wanted to quit the diet, but I didn’t. Instead, I dusted off my old Myfitnesspal account and started logging everything I ate to make sure I kept my carbs in the 18-22g a day area.
Five days later and I am down 7.2 pounds!
So while there is no “Official” weight loss to report this week, I did in fact lose 7.2 pounds.
What does that tell me? I was way overeating my carbs without knowing it. When I log everything, I am held accountable. Previously I was writing everything down by hand and “guessing” at some of the carb counts. I shan’t be doing that again.
In other news, I found out that I am allergic to pumpkin seeds.
A while back I had an allergic reaction while eating a seasoned, raw sprouted seed mixture. I assumed that it was an allergy to one of the spices because I had eaten all of those kinds of seeds before with no problems.
I bought a bag of pumpkin seeds a couple of weeks ago, and I snacked on them one day last week, I had a handful in the morning and had a couple more early that afternoon.
As I was on my walk that lunch break when I felt my throat start to feel sore, and after lunch I could feel the back of my tongue getting itchy and swollen. Everything towards the back of the roof of my mouth was sore in the same way it was after I ate that other mixture.
That night I had a noticeably fat lip, and everything on the left side of my mouth (the side I predominantly chew on) was swollen and painful. I hopped on the Facebook to get opinions and was quite alarmed by my informative friends responses. I took a Benadryl, and it eventually went away. Took about two days to get back to normal, and it kinda scared the crap out of me. I’ve never been allergic to seeds before. As recent as six months or so I had some pumpkin kernels on the Autumn Soup and Panera Bread and never had a reaction. That leads me to believe that it’s the actual outside seed that I might have an allergy to.
I guess that food allergies develop as we get older, and things that never affected us before can be life-threatening as time goes on. Scary stuff!
– 1.4 for the week
Okay, so admittedly this hasn’t been the GIANT weight loss I usually get when I first start low carb. But it is a LOSS so I am just going to smile and say YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am proud to say I stayed on induction all week with the exception of adding nuts on the weekends. I really did expect a bigger loss since I was getting off my period, but beggars can’t be choosers.
The big addition that we got to help our diet this weekend is we got our foodsaver back from my in laws. You know, that little gadget that vacuum seals bags so you can freeze them and have them last longer without freezer burn?
I’m pretty excited to make up some bulk recipes this weekend and freeze them for the weeks ahead. As I always say, the trick to this diet is being prepared.
The other thing that I need to start doing is exercising. The book states plainly that exercise on this way of eating is NON NEGOTIABLE! For whatever reason when I was in my 20’s and did the diet for two years I got away with it. Must have had a high metabolism at that time I guess. Not so much now.
Having said that, next week I’ll be strapping on my sneakers for the first time since the 1/2 marathon in November. Yeah, that’s four months that I’ve been a slug. At first I used the excuse that my toenail had fallen off as a result of my poor planning for the marathon, but it’s already mostly grown back and it hasn’t hurt in about three months so yeah…no more excuses.
I’m not going to be doing any hardcore training by any stretch of the imagination, but I am going to get my butt moving. A mere 20 minute brisk walk on my lunch break should get me back in the game. Physically AND mentally.
While I have been feeling pretty good lately, I’m still lacking something to feel like my old self. I’ve been using essential oils at work and home to perk me up or calm me down and those work pretty well, there is an underlying feeling of restlessness that I can’t quite put my finger on. It occurred to me the other day that when I felt this in the past, going for a run helped out immensely. One run would put that feeling at bay for a couple of days at least. I need to get that mental stability back in my life in a big way. I’m not feeling all together bad or anything, I just feel a bit… off.
I’m pretty sure working out is the key to getting everything back together again.
When it comes to any diet the first week is usually the hardest.
Low carb is especially hard in my opinion because the first week is when you detox from sugar. Also known as the “low carb flu”.
Headaches, the sweats, the shakes, and brain-fog from hell. I imagine that it is a lot like detoxing from a drug – that speaks volumes about how addictive sugar can be.
This is usually the hardest part of getting into and staying in this diet. Usually by the time the “flu” hits me I start my tiny cheats just to stave off the side effects of the detox. A tiny bite of something sugary so I can get the headache to stay at bay. Sucking on a mint just to get the bad taste out of my mouth.
Never realizing that I am actually prolonging the whole thing.
Today is day four and I’ve not yet have that many problems. In my experience I am usually deep into the “flu” stage by day three and ready to quit by day five.
Last night I hit a patch of sweats when I was cooking but I also just started my period so it could have been hormones.
It really surprises me because I am being super strict this time around. No processed foods, no artificial sweeteners, all meat/veggies/cream and cheese and I’m watching the portions on all of that.
I’ve already lost two pounds which is great considering it’s that time of the month for me so I know it’s working.
The thing that I may be doing that could make a difference is I am using essential oils for the first time in my life and I really think they are making a major impact on my emotional and mental well being. And I totally don’t care if it is a placebo effect or not, I feel good! Why would I scoff at that??
Either way, I am not complaining that the low carb flu hasn’t hit me like a ton of bricks. I am puzzled, but grateful.
The other great thing that happened pretty much instantly, was all my gas/stomach problems I’ve been having for MONTHS went away.
It’s been pretty consistent recently, and for no apparent reason that my body was producing an abundance of gas. It was resulting in feeling constantly bloated and “full” with uncomfortable stomach pains and burning. I didn’t understand quite why because I wasn’t eating a lot of the typical things that give me gas. I even went a day with only eating plain buttered pasta and still had it. I can only guess that I have developed a sensitivity to gluten.
At any rate, it has been so nice to feel normal again!
And the food! Now that I have time to cook and do this diet properly I am eating like a queen. This morning I had a large slice of Quiche Lorraine with a pork rind crust that was so delicious and decadent. Same goes for the meat and cheese casserole I made a couple of nights ago. Super tasty and it felt like I was being bad!!
Tomorrow is weigh in and there will be no cheat day. Normally I weigh in and then have my “cheat day” that turns into a cheat weekend. Tomorrow I will have allow myself a handful of nuts(not allowed on induction) but no cheats per say.
So I know that the last post I put in this blog was in October of last year. And I know that it spoke about going back on low carb. Truth be told, I was on “low carb” for about two months and lost five pounds. Even more truth be told, I had forgotten all about what low carb dieting was.
I was not doing induction. I was not doing much of anything, other than trying to stay under a certain number of carbs and not paying very much attention to that number.
I hadn’t even thought about induction since I started low carb all those years ago and managed to lose 80 pounds. I “forgot” about how important the rules are to this diet/way of eating. Mostly, because I wanted to forget.
In my distant memory, the weight just seemed to melt off back then. And truth be told, it did! Because I followed the diet to a Tee! I didn’t add any of the processed “low carb” items you can now get readily at any grocery store. I ate meat and veggies and cheese and I was good. No nuts or seeds and no peanut butter. No processed snacks other than pork rinds and I was losing every single week.
In fact towards the “height” of low carb back in the early 2000’s I DID start adding those types of things in to my diet and that is when I started to stall. That was when all of a sudden my cravings came back and the cheating started.
Every single time I have attempted low carb since then I have done it half assed. I have eaten lots of meat and veggies but I have also added tons of peanut butter, nuts and “low carb” treats. I have paid zero attention to the induction menu and just eaten whatever was deemed “low carb”.
Thus we have come to today. I am over 250 pounds again and rising. When I was truly dedicated I got down to 210 or so and I was so happy. I was also younger and the body was more forgiving in how it carried the fat.
Nowadays at over 250 pounds and 40 years old, I feel a lot like I don’t want to go out into public. I look at my body in the mirror and even though I have been way bigger than this in weight, I feel like I look just as big as I did back when I weight 350. As you get older, your body distributes your weight differently and that sucks.
I have found that while I weigh less than I did at my heaviest, my body is starting to look worse than it did back then. I have much more back fat that likes to roll over my bra line and make an ever attractive roll in whatever shirt I choose to wear. My core is much more of a barrel shape than it ever was. Back in the day I may have been big, but I had a nice hour glass figure. As I age, not so much.
My mom always told me that if I lost weight when I was younger it would be so much easier. She said once you reached a certain age, it just got hard to lose.
I rolled my eyes and continued being a teenager.
She wasn’t wrong.
However, what I’m hoping that I can do is get back into induction for reals this time and get back to losing. I have a bunch of recipes set up and a shopping list at my fingertips.
I NEED to do this, this time around. I’m far too heavy to where I am comfortable and I need to reverse this.
Okay, so it’s no secret that I am a big girl. And being a big girl, I have big arms, funny how that works. Something I discovered early on in my running training is that when I run for more than two days in a row I get a nasty chafing underneath my arms in my armpit area. It was something I just came to accept. I hated it and it hurt. It made me not want to go for my runs, but it was just something I had to accept. Years of running came at a price of not being able to rest my arms properly without pain.
Recently, my husband told that he switches out his deodorants every so often because he feels that after a while, his body gets used to one brand and it just stops working as well. This isn’t something he hasn’t told me before, but I usually don’t pay much attention because I was raised on Secret deodorant that tells you it is PH balanced so your body doesn’t get used to it.
I don’t like the smell of most deodorants. I think they smell like bathrooms and that doesn’t thrill me. Secret came out with a vanilla scented one a few years back and I fell in love with it. It appears that they are discontinuing it, so about two weeks ago I was at the grocery store and decided to look for something new.
Well, I have to say I’m a total convert. It not only keeps me from stinking better than my old favorite Secret, but I’ve been running consistently the past two weeks and I have not had ONE problem with the usual painful chafing. This is a pretty huge deal for me since I used to put off going on a run because of the inability to put my arms down without pain after. I LOVE this product!!!
In other news, I’ve been running pretty regularly, whether I want to or not. It has helped immensely with the work stress I’ve been having lately and it really calms me down after. I don’t think I would have survived this week without it. I have hated every step of the way some days, but I always feel amazing after.
The Wharf to Wharf is a week away and while I haven’t gotten a LOT of distance in, I’m more confident in myself than I was the last time I ran it. It’s going to hurt, I have no doubt about that, but my only goal is just to finish before the truck comes by to clear the road.
My food intake has not been so good. Yesterday, after rehearsal I hit the store and stocked up on a LOT of frozen diet dinners. The Lean Cuisines and generics of that sort of brand to try and help. I’m going to be going into rehearsals of my current play and I’m hoping it will make it easier on my husband for not having to cook every night and also easier on me for actually having some sort of portion control. I know it’s a lot of sodium but I’m hoping I can just use this as a sort of jump start.
That’s pretty much all I have to report for right now.