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Ta effing Da!

Yup, here I am again.

If you are reading this entry, I would like to explain the archives of this blog have been pieced together via the Wayback Machine that can show you old archived web pages.  Because I have been a bit of a impatient dumbass in the past, I had lost most of my entries when I switched over to a new domain host.  Yeah.

It’s nothing that I can change at this point, but I spent a lot of time last week copying the old entries over from the wayback machine and so some of the links and images probably no longer work.  I just wanted to explain why.

I have shifted back and forth on different blogs over the years, but I think it’s time to come back to this one.  This is a very diet neutral name and it’s one of the original ones if not THE original one that I started all those years ago.  I just loved the name and so here I am.

I have resurrected my old YouTube channel by the same name as well, because…might as well keep it all in the same vein right?  Back when I started that channel it was primarily for low carb recipes.  It was a little show I called Low Carb Cafe and I really enjoyed and miss making those videos.  So they will be back, but I’m also expanding the channel to vlogs and weigh ins and such so that it’s all my content in one channel.  Much like this blog.

So things have been going meh for me as far as the weight loss.  I’ve gone in ebbs and flows like always.  I lost about 40 lbs with low calorie and portion control only to gain most of it back when I fell of the wagon.

In December of 2017 my husband had a heart attack and his dr recommended keto so we have been trying that ever since.  And when I say that we have been trying that, I mean that we were really good for a few months, he dropped 30 lbs and I 15, but then I just couldn’t stick with it.  I kept cheating at work and not telling my husband and pretending I was eating fine at home.  We both fell out of the exercise routine and in turn fell stagnant on the weight loss front.

My anxiety and depression have played a really big part in me not wanting to do anything – also I discovered that now when I lower my carbs I get heart palpitations when I don’t supplement with sea salt because I get super low on electrolytes.  It makes me not want to do the diet because I just don’t want to deal with that.

The latest set back is that my husbands mother has been in a health crisis.  Her kidneys are failing  and she has lots f blockages in her heart, but she only has a 10% chance of surviving surgery.  So basically she was sent home a month ago to die.

In pulling her off of 15 of her medications however, they didn’t anticipate that she would bounce back.  She went from being bed bound to going to Target the other day.

What this has meant for us, is that we have been heading over there most nights after work and cooking food for her…whatever she wants since they took her off dietary restriction.  Since we then get home with only an hour or so to relax before bed, that leaves us at the mercy of eating whatever she wanted and also bringing those leftovers to work for lunches the next day.

Let’s just say it hasn’t been Keto, or even moderately healthy.

We made a decision this weekend that we were just going to have to suck it up and either make her meals more towards our diet, or we would have to cook a bunch on our “nights off” to supplement the meals that we won’t be eating at her house.

I’ve just been to the grocery store to stock up, and we’ll see what I can cook up tonight to get us ready for the next few days.

So that is what is going on with me.  I weighed in yesterday at 257 lbs.  That is up about 20 pounds from my recent lowest.  I’m hoping to reign all this in and start exercising again too.  Thus dusting off the YouTube channel and this blog.

Wish me luck!!!!

Dysmenorrhea

I was diagnosed with Dysmenorrhea when I was fifteen years old. After missing at least one day of school a month because I was at home throwing up due to the extreme pain of my menstrual cramps, my mother finally cracked and took me in to get checked. I was put on birth control pills shortly after even though I was not sexually active because we were told the hormones in the pills would make my periods easier and boy did they! After three years of knowing I would be down for the count on a monthly basis, I was able to get my life back.

When I had my gallbladder removed a few years later I was checked out for Endometriosis but was told that it was a negative. She said I had beautiful ovaries. That reaffirmed the diagnosis of Dysmenorrhea, but all was good because I was on the pill, and life was golden.

As I got older and developed a nasty smoking habit I was less likely to want to take the pill due to the warning notices, and I eventually stopped taking them.

The cramps and symptoms came back almost immediately, and I was back to square one. This time I was missing work instead of school. Not cool, as I never got paid for going to school, but I did for work.

I quit smoking over a year ago, but now that I’m much higher up there in age the risk of stroke is still there. And to be honest, I had a system down. At the first sign of cramps, I would take a couple Advil, and it would usually snuff them out pretty well, as long as I got them right at the first twinge. I’d have all the other symptoms, but as long as I wasn’t puking from the pain I was able to live my day to day life.

It was on the days when the cramps snuck up on me while I was sleeping that were bad. If I wasn’t able to get the Advil into my system right away then nothing short of vomiting for awhile and then falling asleep would help. And honestly, there were days when the Advil just didn’t work. Thankfully these days were few and far between.

I had another bad day today. I’d been spotting for the last couple of days with some minor cramps. We went to my in-laws for breakfast and had a good time, but the cramps were starting to manifest at the tail end of the visit.

In true Kelly fashion I just hoped it was nothing and tried my best to ignore it, having no Advil on me and not wanting to cause a fuss. I took some when we got home, but it was too late.

Thankfully, I only threw up once and was able to put myself to bed with more Advil and a heating pad for an hour and a half. I only dozed in and out for a little while, but it was enough. I woke feeling a bit queasy still but with no more pain.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing about this right now. This isn’t my main journal where I pour most of my crazies onto the interwebs. I think it started as an excuse to validate why I only got a two mile run in over a three day weekend. I think though, in the end, it’s more of a means to get the word Dysmenorrhea out in the public a little more.

I think a lot of women have it and don’t even realize it is a health condition.

When I was a kid, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I’m certain my teachers and peers all thought I was faking since I hated school anyway. Great excuse…no one can actually PROVE you have cramps right?

When I was finally diagnosed, I had a name, but had no idea what it meant other than I could get birth control pills approved by my mom’s insurance.

As an older adult when it started to effect me again there was this glorious thing called the internet. I was able to type in the word and pull up the exact description of what had plagued me my whole life, print it out and show people.

The thing is; I still felt like no one really believed me. “Yeah Kelly, you get bad cramps, join the club. Isn’t Mother Nature a bitch? Do you actually think it warrants missing work?”

It might just be my own little paranoid mind; most things are. Sometimes I just get very worked up about something, and having to explain myself month after month to people that don’t understand or “get it” starts to piss me off.

This entry has nothing to do with weight loss, but it has everything to do with me freeing myself from the guilt I feel on a somewhat monthly basis when I simply cannot function without a heating pad and a puke bucket.

At any rate, it made me feel a little better to write it.

A weekend out and about with low carb

Forgot to post about my weigh in last week.  Week Two weigh in was down 2 lbs.  Total of six down in two weeks.  Not too shabby.

I don’t have high hopes for a loss this week simply because I haven’t been counting my carbs.  I had a stressful week and am in the process of weaning myself off my antidepressants so I decided to take the pressure off myself and just eat things that are low carb.  When I do this I tend to gain or maintain.  I’m kind of okay with that this week.  I’m certainly not giving up.

This weekend was a bit of an out and about weekend.  Those can either be really good or really dicey when you are low carbing.  This was a good one.

farmstyleI slept in on Saturday morning and didn’t feel very ambitious about cooking but I was pretty hungry.  So I bbreakieran up to the upper freezer and grabbed the Atkins frozen breakfast meal I had bought for just such an occasion.  I was about to throw it in the microwave when I realized I was a little more hungry than that so I whipped up a half batch of Almond Flour Pancakes to go with it.  I was sure glad I did because I wasn’t so much a fan of this frozen meal.  I have tried a lot of the other dinners and love them for the most part but on this one, the eggs were rubbery.  I’m a texture person when it comes to food so this bothered me quite a bit.

Saturday night found us having dinner and a show at our favorite local community theater.  We contemplated whether we wanted to go the safe route and eat at home but since grocery shopping had yet to be done for the week the pickings were slim.  We opted to take our chances at the British pup down below the theater and I’m so glad we did.  I got a house salad with ranch to start and then a bunless burger with three kinds of cheese on top.  The only thing that was wrong with it was that I forgot to ask for bacon on top.  :-)   Rob got the spicy wing basket.

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After we were fully satisfied and headed off to the show where we did cheat a bit and get a sweetened coffee beverage.

Sunday was my girls day.  I got up showered and headed out to Outback Steakhouse with my BFF.  We are both low carbing and so it seemed the logical place to go.  I’d never been before, believe it or not but I had studied up the menu online and was prepared for a low carb meal.  :-)

I got the sirloin with grilled shrimp.  As my two sides I got a house salad with ranch and steamed green beans with butter.  My fellow low carber Paula got the prime rib with a salad and some broccoli on the side.

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Look at those plates!  Anyone who says you can’t get full and eat yummy food out at a restaurant on low carb has clearly never put any effort into it.  :-)

After lunch we went to the mall and did a little shopping and then it was off to a movie.

We commented on the fact that you can get pretty much ANYTHING snack food wise you want at the movies now.  It used to be popcorn and candy and that was it but now you can get pizza, nachos, ice cream, Starbucks…whatever your little heart desires.  Still though, not a lot of good low carb options.  There is always the bunless hot dog in a pinch.  However, I’ve always been a sweets kind of girl at the movies.  I like the big giant box of reeses pieces when I sit down to watch a flick…I blame ET really.

So what I had devised for my plan of action at the movies on this day was this:

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This is an Atkins bar that I cut up into little pieces and froze.  I thought that would be the perfect sweet treat for the movies, but of course I forgot it at home.  Thankfully, I was still full from lunch and didn’t crave anything else, but I do recommend doing this in the future.  I think it will really help me to stay out of the candy line.  :-)

Anyhoo, I had a pretty full weekend and still managed to stay on the diet.  Pretty proud of that.

Dysmenorrhea

If I have any men that read this blog, you might want to skip this entry.  It deals with that subject that most men find icky.  The monthly cycle that makes us women able to create a life…or as I call it since I am never going to have kids: “the completely unnecessary once a month painful bleeding session that makes me crave a hysterectomy.”

Ever since I “became a woman” and was blessed with the ability to create a life I want nothing to do with, I have had very painful cramps.  I’m not talking “take a midol and get over it” cramps, I’m talking “miss a day of school/work because I am throwing up uncontrollably due to pain” cramps.

At fifteen I was diagnosed with Dysmenorrhea and put on birth control pills.  Glory Be Hallelujah  they worked and I was able to resume a normal life.

Somewhere along the way I stopped taking them.  I don’t remember when or why…it might have been when I was too old to be on my mothers insurance.  Because the cramps were caused by a health condition the pills were covered by insurance so that might have been part of it.  At any rate I stopped taking them and the pain eventually came back.

As I gained more and more weight my periods became very irregular.  I would go for months without a period and then bleed for a couple of weeks and then go another three months with nothing.  After the initial pregnancy scare, I didn’t miss my period at all.  It was quite nice to go a long time without a period but when it finally showed up it was HEAVY and it HURT!  But being the kind of person I am, when the period disappeared I would put the pain to the back of my mind until it started up again so I didn’t go to the doctor about it.

Fast forward to me losing about 50 pounds and my periods regulated to once a month again.  Now that it was a regular occurrence again and at my husbands insisting I saw my doctor about getting on the pill again.  She said no.  See, I had this little nasty smoking habit and rightfully so, she did not feel right about putting me on the pill given the increased chance of blood clots in smokers at my age.  She told me if I quit smoking she would gladly write me a scrip but she had actually seen it happen to her patients that were smokers so she was gun shy.

So that was that.  I learned to live with it.  I have  system, and if it works correctly I don’t have that much trouble with the cramps.  If I catch it at the first twinge and preload with Advil, I can avoid major pain and function like a normal person.  Sometimes however, the cramps start while I am sleeping and I either don’t wake up or I am too tired to get out of bed to go get the advil and that is when the trouble starts.  I used to keep an advil on my bedside table until my dog decided it looked tasty and that was the end of that.

I have quit smoking for the most part but I will have an occasional cigarette(Vegas anyone???) and I’m so paranoid of blood clots that I never re approached the subject of birth control pills.  So I live with it.

If you haven’t guessed I am on my period this weekend.  And I have done nothing.

I had such plans for this weekend.  I was going to go to the track and try to walk/run a 10K and I was excited about it!  I was going to go dress shopping for our vow renewal.  I was going to go out to breakfast with Rob and his parents for Father’s Day.

I woke up on Saturday with cramps in full swing.  I took my advil and Rob put me back to bed.  He said I had an hour to sleep and let the advil work before I had to get up and get ready for the breakfast with my father in law.  I couldn’t get back to sleep but I tried.  Finally I got up and hauled myself in the shower and got dressed but I was miserable.  As we were about to head out the door I just couldn’t do it.  I knew I would be no kind of company and I wouldn’t be able to eat anything so tearfully I asked if Rob minded if I stayed home.  Of course he didn’t, he understood and put me back to bed before leaving for breakfast.

Part of the system I have when I get bad cramps is to sleep.  If I can get to sleep, even for a half an hour, the cramps and nausea are usually gone when I wake up.  No such luck yesterday.  I read in bed to try and get my eyes tired but I just couldn’t fall asleep because I had to keep running to the bathroom every fifteen minutes or so(yes, not only am I gifted with pain, heavy bleeding and nausea but I also get diarrhea.  Nice.)  Finally I got up and got a bucket to bring to bed with me, the throwing up portion was inevitable.  After one round with the bucket, Rob came home and I was starting to feel a bit better but since I never fell asleep I was still left with an overall sense of ickiness.

I was starving but the thought of food repulsed me.  Rob had brought home some food for me so I chose the least offensive thing(a biscuit) and ate a tiny portion of it before laying back down.  A few minutes later my stomach woke up and demanded more food so I had a little more and some diet sprite to settle the stomach.

To make a very long story short (too late!), I have not counted my food this weekend and I have certainly not walked or run.  While I think being in pain like I get is a legitimate excuse for taking the weekend off, I still feel horrible about it.

My 10 K is in two weeks and while I know I can easily walk it I was hoping to be more prepared with the running and this was a wasted weekend.  I feel useless and guilty and just blah.

Tomorrow I will start anew and all that but today?  Today I feel like a failure.