Goals
Trying again
And really, aren’t I always trying again?
Meh. I weight in this morning at 264. Let’s just look at that number shall we? The hightest I have been in the relatively recent past was 272…that is where I started my last weight loss journey. I then lost about 45 pounds and was feeling really good.
I’m not that far away from my most recent highest and let’s face it, not that far away from my total highest..whatever that was. I never knew because our scale broke and I wasn’t in a hurry to fix it but I know it was over 300 by a chunk.
Ug.
I’ve been saying for months that I was going to buckle down again and get this fat ass in gear but it never happens.
Rob’s cardiologist put him on a low carb diet and I tried to follow it but it just doesn’t work for me anymore. I feel like crap on it because my electrolytes bottom out and no amount of salt or supplementation seems to help. Hell, I have to supplement them on a regular diet to keep my heart palpitations at bay.
I’ve decided I’m going to try something new. It’s kind of in the vein of the Zone diet…which surprisingly I’ve never tried before, but those are the marcos that I am shooting for. So basically, I am portion controlling. I’ve got myself set up for most of the day and then I will make a low carb meal at night for Rob and I will be able to have some as long as it isn’t crazy fatty.
They way we did it on keto was that we made a meal every night and then it served as our lunch the next day at least. Now what I am doing is making a meal that will last for a lot of Rob’s lunches and some of my dinners, but I will be making my lunches and breakfasts separately. Incorporating more fruits and non starchy veggies with lean meats and then using up my fat grams on the dinners that I make that will be low carb for him.
I hope that makes sense.
Today was day one.
I had an apple and PB powder for my morning snack and 1 serving of Kashi cereal with almond milk for my breakfast.
Lunch was a chicken breast and a medium yam with a TBS of butter.
Dinner will be a small serving Low Carb Taco Pie and a cup of brown rice.
My evening snack is sugar snap peas with hummus.
The most important thing is that I actively exercised for the first time in forever. Probably almost a year.
It wasn’t a lot, but I got my butt on the treadmill and did a mile. It took me almost a half an hour…not exactly like I used to do when I was training for the half marathons but I will take it. I told myself I would get on there and I would do a mile…I wouldn’t push myself and however long it took me to do it, so be it.
I’m a little proud of myself.
Tomorrow we have our weekly visit with my in-laws where we cook them dinner and spend some time together. I almost always end up eating something there and then eating again at home before bed.
I think this time I’m going to bring my snack and eat it instead of whatever dinner Rob makes (that is the hardest part, we never know what we are making until we get there so it’s so hard to plan) and then have a light dinner when we get back here.
I know Rob is wary that I’m going to make him fall off the low carb diet, but that is not my intention at all. I just want to get control back over my eating and this is the easiest way I know how right now.
So that is where I am right now. It could change on a dime, but today…I was in control.
Mini Goal Achieved! Down 20 pounds!!
Okay, this is just amazing to me. I haven’t been able to lose more than a total of seven pounds in about four years. I get gung ho the first week and then start to lose all motivation because I get caught back up in the fact that I love to eat.
When I was losing weight before, I don’t even think it was because I was dieting, but because I was running and burning calories.
I have lost this current weight without even working out!!! Other than choreography for the play, which is nothing compared to my two mile runs every day that I used to do. I can’t even believe it.
Literally. There is a part of me that wonders if the scale needs new batteries or that I need new glasses, but the proof is in the pudding. My jeans are literally falling off me. I had to wear a belt for the first time in forever this week. I look in the mirror and see my double chin going away and my cheekbones emerging. I’m having to tighten my bra rather than wear an extender.
It’s all pretty exciting to say the least. When I first started this blog I stated that I wanted to lose 20 pounds before we take our trip to Vegas in May. Well, I did it! I can’t even believe it. 20.8 to be exact as of yesterdays weigh in. So I have achieved my first mini goal!!! It’s so boggling my mind that I am where I am already. I mean, I know it’s been almost three months, but it really doesn’t seem that long to me. And I really don’t feel like I’m depriving myself much of anything. I mean, I guess it did in the beginning, and I do remember being much more hungry at first, so I guess it is really true that you just need to give yourself enough time to make or break a habit. I don’t even really think about it anymore, I just eat what I know is going to be good to my body and that’s it. Keep my portions small on the bad stuff and fill up on the good stuff. It sounds so stupidly simple when you put it like that, but it’s true.
My broken big toe is finally starting to heal much better now that I’m not dancing on it three days a week, so I’m hoping to actually start getting some exercise in soon. Nothing more than walking and some Walking Off The Pounds DVD’s but it will at least get me moving and getting my heart rate up.
Not much else to report on the weight loss front, I think that is a lot actually. I guess I should set a new mini goal. I have the whole wedding ring thing but I think that’s going to take another month or so.
I guess I’ll go with getting back into a comfortable size 20…though I think I gave them all away when I gave up on ever losing weight, but I can be convinced to go shopping I suppose. 😉
265
265 pounds.
Let’s just let that sink in for a second shall we? That was my weight as of Monday morning. That is LESS than forty pounds away from being 300 pounds again. It’s true that I don’t know how far above 300 I actually got at my heaviest because my scale broke (poor overworked thing!), but it doesn’t matter.
I feel every ounce of this weight gain. In fact, some days I feel even heavier than I did at my highest weight. I know that has a lot to do with age. When I was 300 plus pounds before, I was in my early 20’s. No real health worries other than that pesky high blood pressure. Hello? I was put on blood pressure meds when I was 26 years old, and I wasn’t concerned that much? Hmph.
Anyhoo. None of this news should surprise me because it’s not like I’ve been doing a whole lot to try to lose weight, let alone maintain my current weight. I dabbled in low carb again for a minute, but had such a horrible attack of gastritis brought on my my diverticulitis from all the almond flower and broccoli I had eaten, that I didn’t dare to try again. Really, wasn’t that just an excuse though?
Then it was all about the trip to Korea coming up. No sense in dieting because we are going to eat whatever we want while we are there. And after we got home it was just one excuse after another.
Truth be told, after 30 some odd years of dieting, I’m just TIRED of it! It’s hard and I don’t like things to be difficult. I like to be able to eat whatever I want and then lay about on the couch like a big slug and never have to worry about my health or how I look.
Yes, I am fully aware that is pretty much everyone’s dream as well, but at least I’m being honest. And furthermore, I am so sick of working out. I went on such a great stretch of running and training and I felt and looked great. I don’t know where all my motivation has gone. It makes me very sad and kind of disturbed. Like I’m giving in to the depression that has always loomed heavy around me my whole life. I hate it so much, yet I know exactly what I need to do to change it and I refuse. I just can’t get out of my own head!
Having said that, I started the purification diet again on Monday. It lasts 21 days, so I know it isn’t forever and I am familiar enough with it that I could sort of launch myself into it with little prep. Not to mention the first time I did this diet, I lost 15 pounds in three weeks. I’m not expecting the same results this time, but that would be nice. 😉
This time around there are many more recipes to keep variety alive on the SP website, so that is encouraging. Sunday I made some vegetable soup that I have been eating for lunch the last two days. Tonight I made some hummus made from homemade tahini, zucchini, olive oil, lemon juice and a couple other spices. While it isn’t the hummus I know, it will be so nice to dip my veggies into something after eating them plain the last couple of days.
So I’m rounding down day two tonight and it hasn’t been easy at all. In fact, I can’t tell you the number of times I have almost reached for some sort of food not on the diet just out of sheer habit, but I’m doing it. I hope to add exercise soon, but I’m not going to push my luck just yet.
All I can do is keep trying right? I’m still not feeling gung ho, or 100 percent on this, but I’m just putting one step in front of the other at this point. Hopefully I will get where I need to be.
Hanging head in shame
Yeah, I haven’t been doing so good on the diet. I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds +1 because I was not working out, and I have cheated every single weekend. I have had no self-control.
I believe it was weight watchers that recommend 10 percent goals. I think I’m going to have to start some reward system for myself because my current “Goals” aren’t working.
In case you were wondering, my current goals are just to lose weight for certain events. My husband’s 30-year reunion is next month, and I’d like to look nice for that. Our trip to Maine is at the end of August, and I’d like to be back in a size 18 like I was the last time I was there two years ago. Our trip to Vegas is in November and well, you know the drill.
None of that seems to keep me motivated though so I’m thinking an actual reward system with material rewards might start helping. Maybe some sort of reward on the trips, like putting the money aside for a show in Vegas or a shopping trip in Maine. Hell, maybe just a new pair of shoes here. 😀
That is where the 10 percent goals come into play.
Ten percent of my current body weight is 26 pounds. When put like that, it hardly seems as daunting of a task as losing a hundred plus pounds right?
Ten percent after that would only be 23 pounds. I like how the goals get smaller the more I lose! 
I’m not going to put a time limit on them because that is just a recipe for disaster, but I am going to set the goals for a pretty good prize. Am I thinking massage? Oh, yes…I think so!
See how I just talked myself into that?
Hubs and I took an extended four-day break from the diet because both of us seemed to have lost all desire to cook and on low carb that is kind of important.
I got back on the bandwagon on Tuesday and have not only been eating on point but have actually worked out for the last three days! How come I’m not skinny yet?? I peeked at the scale this morning and I appear to be down 3 pounds since Tuesday. I will officially weigh in tomorrow to get my weigh-ins back on a normal schedule and go forward from there.
I just have to keep focused. I hope the small 10% goal reward system will work!!
2014 Wharf to Wharf
Me, after finishing and starting back up to meet my husband
There were two things that I signed up for this year to keep me motivated and moving. The first was the Las Vegas 1/2 Marathon, and the second was the Santa Cruz Wharf to Wharf. Last year I didn’t sign up for any runs, and therefore, did no training and gained 30 pounds.
Well, it did nothing for the first half of the year to motivate me but as the race loomed closer, I realized I needed to suck it up and start something. The last time I did the Wharf to Wharf was two years ago, and I was so ill prepared that by the time I finished I was in tears and just broken. The same applies for the last 1/2 marathon as well. So three weeks ago I started training again. What I discovered is that the 30-pound gain and lack of general exercise for the last year and a half have made an impact in my timing. I can no longer punch out a two miler in a half an hour on my lunch break. In fact, I can barely get above a fast power walk at all anymore. That shouldn’t shock me. I’m not dumb enough to think that I could just pick up where I left off after all the time off, but it was a blow to my ego just the same.
So while I have kept at my training the last three weeks I was kind of discouraged. Especially since this last week was pretty painful for me in my lower back on my walks. I was pretty sure I was going to fail at this run miserably. I was picturing me stopping at the mile 4.5 mark where my husband was playing with his drummer friend for the race. Or worse, just giving up before that and sitting down, waiting for the bus to come get me in the end.
The back pain was specific to the left side of my lower back. That usually means my pelvis is tilted again, so I made an appt with my chiropractor on Friday night after work and got adjusted. Saturday I didn’t run because I had rehearsal and then went to bed super early because I had to get up so early the next morning. You see since my husband was playing the race, he had to get there really early before they blocked off the streets. That meant I had to be in the shower at four this morning so he could drop me off at the start line before heading out and setting up for the gig. Yeah, that kind of sucks because that meant that not only did I have to get there very early and sit around for hours, but I also had to run the race and then double back after getting my goodie bag, another 1.5 miles to get back to him so we could go home. It seems a bit extreme, but I’ve done the route where I finish and take the bus back to the car and believe it or not, it’s quicker and less painful just to walk back to the 4.5-mile mark.
Anyhoo cut to this morning. I woke up a bundle of anxiety. I really didn’t want to do the race because I had convinced myself it was going to be painful and horrible, and I would never finish it. I showered and got ready anyway. I vowed that even if I had to just walk it slowly, I would.
Rob dropped me off as it was just starting to get light out, and I walked about five more minutes to get to the boardwalk. I found a cafe that was open, so I grabbed a yogurt parfait and took a seat outside. That is where I stayed for the next two hours playing on my phone and people watching.
When we got closer to 8:30, I got into my corral but we didn’t start moving until at least 8:50 or so. The first two miles were really tough, which is kind of ironic since that is the most distance I had been getting in on my weekdays. You would think it would get harder AFTER two miles.
As I have found with most races I have done, once I hit the three-mile mark I was hitting my stride. Once I settle into my stride it just becomes a different mindset. The first two miles I just kept thinking: “Oh dear Lord, this is never going to work. I’m so tired already; there is no way I can make it another mile!” After mile three I think I relaxed a little bit, and I realized that I had made it that far, I could finish. It felt like it got easier.
Long story short, I finished and then made it back the 1.5 miles to find my husband already packed up and waiting in the van. I was in good spirits. I didn’t cry, even cracked a joke and shocked the heck out of my husband.
I’ve been back home for a couple hours now, and a sunburn has begun to redden my skin, but other than that, some minor chafing and a couple of popped blisters on my left foot/toes, I seem to be okay. Much better than the last time I did it.
Things I did differently this year:
- I didn’t push myself.
- I walked 90% of this race and was totally okay with that. I managed an 18 minute mile average.
- I listened to an audio book on tape instead of music.
- For the first time ever in my walk/run history, I didn’t listen to music. I downloaded the sequel that Stephen King wrote to The Shining and listened to that as I walked. It was a little weird at first, and I think that is why the first two miles were a little hard. Once I got into the meat of the story I was able to get my mind off how many more miles I had to go and let myself get lost in the tale.
- I think the disadvantage to this is that since I normally walk to a certain BPM, I walked slower than I normally would have.
- I had taken an Advil right before I got into my corral.
- I have no idea if this helped or not but I DO know that my back didn’t hurt at all this race. Even going uphill, and it ALWAYS hurts going up hill. It could be because I got my adjustment right before the race. It could be because I had my hydration belt on, and it was tight, thus serving as some sort of support. All I know is that for the first time in a long time my back didn’t hurt during a walk, so I’m going to stick with the Advil from now on.
Overall, I’m happy to report that I did much better than I thought I was going to. In endurance anyway, this race was not about a time for me to finish by, simply to finish at all.
Let’s talk about chafing shall we?
Okay, so it’s no secret that I am a big girl. And being a big girl, I have big arms, funny how that works. Something I discovered early on in my running training is that when I run for more than two days in a row I get a nasty chafing underneath my arms in my armpit area. It was something I just came to accept. I hated it and it hurt. It made me not want to go for my runs, but it was just something I had to accept. Years of running came at a price of not being able to rest my arms properly without pain.
Recently, my husband told that he switches out his deodorants every so often because he feels that after a while, his body gets used to one brand and it just stops working as well. This isn’t something he hasn’t told me before, but I usually don’t pay much attention because I was raised on Secret deodorant that tells you it is PH balanced so your body doesn’t get used to it.
I don’t like the smell of most deodorants. I think they smell like bathrooms and that doesn’t thrill me. Secret came out with a vanilla scented one a few years back and I fell in love with it. It appears that they are discontinuing it, so about two weeks ago I was at the grocery store and decided to look for something new.
It didn’t smell too bad and it promised to keep my underarms moisturized. I threw it in my cart.
Well, I have to say I’m a total convert. It not only keeps me from stinking better than my old favorite Secret, but I’ve been running consistently the past two weeks and I have not had ONE problem with the usual painful chafing. This is a pretty huge deal for me since I used to put off going on a run because of the inability to put my arms down without pain after. I LOVE this product!!!
In other news, I’ve been running pretty regularly, whether I want to or not. It has helped immensely with the work stress I’ve been having lately and it really calms me down after. I don’t think I would have survived this week without it. I have hated every step of the way some days, but I always feel amazing after.
The Wharf to Wharf is a week away and while I haven’t gotten a LOT of distance in, I’m more confident in myself than I was the last time I ran it. It’s going to hurt, I have no doubt about that, but my only goal is just to finish before the truck comes by to clear the road.
My food intake has not been so good. Yesterday, after rehearsal I hit the store and stocked up on a LOT of frozen diet dinners. The Lean Cuisines and generics of that sort of brand to try and help. I’m going to be going into rehearsals of my current play and I’m hoping it will make it easier on my husband for not having to cook every night and also easier on me for actually having some sort of portion control. I know it’s a lot of sodium but I’m hoping I can just use this as a sort of jump start.
That’s pretty much all I have to report for right now.
My Very First Half Marathon
Wow.
Today was a pretty big day for me. Okay, that is an understatement. Today was a huge milestone in my life.
I walked the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Half Marathon.
I say walked because that is what I did the majority of it. I did jog a bit of it but by no stretch of the imagination did I run it.
It all started back when I began running. I was doing quite well and was very proud of myself and it seemed like a great goal to sign up for a half marathon. I was in a new romance with running and have a long standing romance with Vegas so it just seemed natural. So I shelled out my money and signed up.
…then I strained my IT Band and it sidelined me for a good amount of time. I was disappointed but was sure I could get my training back on track and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got involved in a local play. It zapped a lot of my time and energy but I was sure I could get back to my training and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got sick. TWICE. But I thought sure…blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
So the last few weeks I have been busting my hump, walking the loop on my lunch breaks and doing long distances on the weekends but I couldn’t fight the fear that I just wouldn’t make it. I had already shelled out the money so there wasn’t really an option of going back. I had long conversations with The Hubs and he reassured me that I could do it but I couldn’t help fighting the nagging fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew.
Today I finished the half marathon in 3 hours and 42 minutes. Not the best time I was hoping for but I DID IT! It was painful and the last two miles I REALLY wanted to give up but I DID IT!
I finished and found my husband and immediately broke down crying. I couldn’t tell him why I was crying, but I couldn’t really stop doing it. Everything hurt. I was so sore and my feet were wrecked but that really wasn’t the reason I was crying.
I am still overweight. I may always will be. But I am nowhere near as HUGE as I used to be. When I first moved in with The Hubs, I could barely walk our dog Romie down to the end of the block without my lower back seizing up and making me stop and catch my breath…and we lived in the MIDDLE of the block! There was a point that I couldn’t tie my own shoes because I was so overweight so I always bought slip ons.
After I had lost a few pounds, I then had an anxiety problem that crippled me in the way of walking out in open spaces. I literally needed to have something to hold on to to get to my destination. If I didn’t I could only walk completely hunched over, staring at the ground until I got somewhere were I knew I would be supported. I can’t explain it but I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall down in open spaces. I was so scared that I would fall and that fear just fed into my anxiety until it was out of control. I don’t pretend to understand and I don’t know how to describe it to others but it was very much there. It had a lot to do with my stress level at the job I had at the time because once we moved and I got a new job it gradually went away.
So as you can see, I had some issues with just being able to walk.
Today, I paid a good amount of money to walk 13.1 miles. And I did it. And I got a shiny medal for it that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart.
This medal means so much more than just finishing a half marathon. This medal means that I have conquered so many fears and doubts about myself that I can’t even name.
That was why I couldn’t stop crying when I finished. It was a release of many years of being held captive by my own mind and body.
I did it!
So many of my friends and family have helped cheer me on along the way. Giving me hope and encouragement when I had none of my own. You ALL told me that I could do it. You ALL believed in me and I didn’t believe in myself. I love you so much for that.
Special shout out to my husband. He was not only behind me every step of the way but he was there to lift me up when I fell. He was privy to a lot of emotional downfalls during my journey and had nothing but positive words and actions to help me through.
Today when he met me after I was done I fell apart. Because I knew I could. I knew he would understand and get me through the rest of the day no matter what. He is a special man and he had stuck through me from 300+ pounds to current and has never wavered with his love and devotion.
So while the medal means a lot to me and I will always look at it with pride, I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that love me and help me out when I need it. You know who you are. 
I ran…I ran so far away
Heh, okay not really, but I DID run a mile today.
Today was my first official day back at counting points. My life has gotten back to a somewhat normal status. The play is running smoothly so we don’t even have to have a pick up rehearsal this week and my cold is finally fading. My IT band was healed long ago so I really don’t have any more excuses.
Yesterday I prepared some low point chicken wraps for lunches and stocked up at the store on soups and bagel thins. I portioned out cereal and crackers and all that good stuff and I feel like I am back in a good place.
Today I brought my running shoes to work but by eleven I had all but talked myself out of going for a walk. The excuses were thin at best. “It’s warm outside.” “Michaelle’s husband is bringing the babies and I want to play with the babies.” “I kinda feel like my cold is coming back, maybe I should just nap on the couch instead.”
So I told myself that I would just go out and walk until I didn’t want to anymore. Even if that meant stopping after five minutes. Well three minutes into the walk I was running, and I continued to run until my nike + GPS app said I had run a mile.
And I felt SO GOOD! I can’t express how good it felt to run again!! Now don’t get me wrong, my shins were on fire and I was sweating like a pig but I really felt the …I’m reaching for the word here, but I felt IT. I felt that strong desire to run, the great appreciation of being out in the sunshine, the stress releasing from my body with every footstep that pounded the pavement. The very feeling that got me so addicted in the first place.
It was so incredible to finally feel it once more. I’m not letting it get away from me again.
Wharf to Wharf
Its been awhile…
Well, with the injury to my IT Band I haven’t been doing much in the way of exercise. I did the stationary bike but its not the same. It doesn’t give me the same reaction that running does. I’m sitting still, spinning and watching TV inside my house. When I’m running, I am outside in the sunshine and fresh air moving all of my body. Its just so much better.
And as my exercise was not happening, neither was my tracking. The two went hand in hand with me. I no longer felt excited about the weight loss and eating good foods. I did a lot of small cheating and the end result as of last weeks weigh in was a six pound gain. Yeah.
But all my resting my IT band DID pay off and I was able to run/walk the Wharf to Wharf last Sunday! I only ran on the downhills because I wasn’t sure how my knee was going to hold up but I managed to shave 17 minutes off last years time, finishing in 1 hour and 41 minutes by their time. As anyone who has ever ran or walked a large race you know that it takes you quite a while to get to the start line once the timer starts ESPECIALLY if you are a walker because you are more towards the back of the pack. I started my own timer when I crossed the start line and my time from start to finish was 1 hour and 35 minutes. Six miles in 1 hour and 35 minutes!! That is HUGE for me. I was over the moon happy with that.
For those that aren’t familiar with this particular race it is called the Wharf to Wharf because you run from the Wharf in Santa Cruz to the Wharf in Capitola. Its a one way race so at the finish line you walk up to a large parking area where they get everyone on a bus that shuttle you back to Santa Cruz where your car is located.
It is also a very fun race because it has over 40 bands placed throughout the race course that you get to listen to as you run by.
For the last three years my husband(a guitarist) has been one of those bands. He always plays at the same location of mile 4.5.
Last year I took the shuttle back to Santa Cruz and had him come pick me up there after the race was done. That was just crummy. After walking the six miles you go down to the beach to get your prize packet and then hike up a big old hill to stand around in sandy shoes on sore feet for at least an hour while they get everyone on these shuttles. Ick.
So this year we figured that it would actually be easier for me to walk back to where Rob had been playing. I figured that my feet wouldn’t start hurting as long as I kept moving and what the heck, I had already walked six miles, what is another 1 and a half??
So that is what I did. I was wrong about my feet though. As soon as I slowed my pace they started to hurt and the blisters that had developed were making themselves known. But I did it! So Sunday I walked/ran 7.5 miles!
After I got to the car I did my IT band stretches but didn’t do any other ones. Why would I? I hadn’t injured any of them! Ha!!! Monday morning I could BARELY MOVE!!
You have to figure that I hadn’t run or walked in at least two weeks or so prior to this and then I pushed my body farther than I ever had but didn’t stretch after. Smart.
Everyone at work had a good laugh as I hobbled around like a 90 year old woman but I didn’t mind. It was just a testimony to the fact that I did the best I had ever done on a race and I was proud of myself.
The great news is that of all the things that hurt on my body, my knee was not one of them. I didn’t hurt my IT band! It is healed! Game on! Tomorrow I start back on my walking routine at lunches and the diet goes back into full effect!
In other news I am going to be participating in a local theaters production of Repo! The Genetic Opera. I auditioned Tuesday and I’m in. We have our second meeting tonight. The schedule is going to be pretty tight. Rehearsals are Tuesday through Friday from 6-9 PM, Saturdays from 11-4 and the occasional Sunday. So most days it will be from work straight to rehearsal then home and bed. Good thing I don’t have a social life.
The good thing is that Rob is also in the play as the guitarist in the band so we can car pool. Also the tight schedule should limit my evening snacking so that will be a bonus. And as long as I stick to my walk/running on my lunch breaks I will not be lacking in the exercise because of the play so yay!
Oh and in case you are wondering, I lost 2 pounds this week and plan on getting back to my 10 percent goal by next week.
Get the Funk Out
I’ve been in a funk. Ever since I hurt my leg I’ve been bummed. The 10K is in less than a week and I can’t run it. I will walk it but I don’t want to do any further damage so I’m not going to attempt even a jog.
So all I’ve been thinking about lately is how far I had come only to be stopped. I was really looking forward to seeing how far I could run in the 10K and have been really down on myself because I can’t do it now.
Last night my husband sat me down and we had a talk. Basically he is sick of the pity party and he had some very valid points.
He brought it to my attention how I have lost focus on why I originally started working out. It was never about running a half marathon. It wasn’t about running anything. It was to help with my weight loss and because it made me feel better.
I’ve gotten so tunnel vision about numbers and distances and run times that I have lost sight of why I started in the first place.
I’m crying over the fact that I can’t run a 10K when 3 months ago I couldn’t run for more than 60 seconds at a time! I’ve come a long way in a short time and my body is telling me to slow it down. I may want to do well in races but the act of getting healthy itself is NOT A RACE. There will always be a 5K or a 10K looming on the horizon that I can sign up for. And let’s not forget the half marathon in December. But the benefits of the exercise will last me a lifetime.
It’s so easy to lose sight of the little things that are the most important and that is what I have been doing.
So what if I don’t run any part of the upcoming 10K? Is the world going to end? Of course not! The only thing that is going to happen is that it will just take me a little longer to do it because I’ll be walking. Not that big of a deal is it? No! I am doing great and no one can take that away from me, not even myself. 
In other news I headed over to Big 5 this noon and got myself a foam roller.
A while back when I was seeing the chiropractor regularly he recommended one for my back and I blew it off. Since then Lisa has been singing it’s praises and that has made me pretty curious. The final straw was when my runner sister in law told me it would really help my IT band. Okay, I’m sold! I tried it out really briefly when I got back to work and it really feels pretty good. I’ll do it more extensively when I get home and update at a later date but I have high hopes for this thing. 