my story
Ta effing Da!
Yup, here I am again.
If you are reading this entry, I would like to explain the archives of this blog have been pieced together via the Wayback Machine that can show you old archived web pages. Because I have been a bit of a impatient dumbass in the past, I had lost most of my entries when I switched over to a new domain host. Yeah.
It’s nothing that I can change at this point, but I spent a lot of time last week copying the old entries over from the wayback machine and so some of the links and images probably no longer work. I just wanted to explain why.
I have shifted back and forth on different blogs over the years, but I think it’s time to come back to this one. This is a very diet neutral name and it’s one of the original ones if not THE original one that I started all those years ago. I just loved the name and so here I am.
I have resurrected my old YouTube channel by the same name as well, because…might as well keep it all in the same vein right? Back when I started that channel it was primarily for low carb recipes. It was a little show I called Low Carb Cafe and I really enjoyed and miss making those videos. So they will be back, but I’m also expanding the channel to vlogs and weigh ins and such so that it’s all my content in one channel. Much like this blog.
So things have been going meh for me as far as the weight loss. I’ve gone in ebbs and flows like always. I lost about 40 lbs with low calorie and portion control only to gain most of it back when I fell of the wagon.
In December of 2017 my husband had a heart attack and his dr recommended keto so we have been trying that ever since. And when I say that we have been trying that, I mean that we were really good for a few months, he dropped 30 lbs and I 15, but then I just couldn’t stick with it. I kept cheating at work and not telling my husband and pretending I was eating fine at home. We both fell out of the exercise routine and in turn fell stagnant on the weight loss front.
My anxiety and depression have played a really big part in me not wanting to do anything – also I discovered that now when I lower my carbs I get heart palpitations when I don’t supplement with sea salt because I get super low on electrolytes. It makes me not want to do the diet because I just don’t want to deal with that.
The latest set back is that my husbands mother has been in a health crisis. Her kidneys are failing and she has lots f blockages in her heart, but she only has a 10% chance of surviving surgery. So basically she was sent home a month ago to die.
In pulling her off of 15 of her medications however, they didn’t anticipate that she would bounce back. She went from being bed bound to going to Target the other day.
What this has meant for us, is that we have been heading over there most nights after work and cooking food for her…whatever she wants since they took her off dietary restriction. Since we then get home with only an hour or so to relax before bed, that leaves us at the mercy of eating whatever she wanted and also bringing those leftovers to work for lunches the next day.
Let’s just say it hasn’t been Keto, or even moderately healthy.
We made a decision this weekend that we were just going to have to suck it up and either make her meals more towards our diet, or we would have to cook a bunch on our “nights off” to supplement the meals that we won’t be eating at her house.
I’ve just been to the grocery store to stock up, and we’ll see what I can cook up tonight to get us ready for the next few days.
So that is what is going on with me. I weighed in yesterday at 257 lbs. That is up about 20 pounds from my recent lowest. I’m hoping to reign all this in and start exercising again too. Thus dusting off the YouTube channel and this blog.
Wish me luck!!!!
My Very First Half Marathon
Wow.
Today was a pretty big day for me. Okay, that is an understatement. Today was a huge milestone in my life.
I walked the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Half Marathon.
I say walked because that is what I did the majority of it. I did jog a bit of it but by no stretch of the imagination did I run it.
It all started back when I began running. I was doing quite well and was very proud of myself and it seemed like a great goal to sign up for a half marathon. I was in a new romance with running and have a long standing romance with Vegas so it just seemed natural. So I shelled out my money and signed up.
…then I strained my IT Band and it sidelined me for a good amount of time. I was disappointed but was sure I could get my training back on track and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got involved in a local play. It zapped a lot of my time and energy but I was sure I could get back to my training and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got sick. TWICE. But I thought sure…blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
So the last few weeks I have been busting my hump, walking the loop on my lunch breaks and doing long distances on the weekends but I couldn’t fight the fear that I just wouldn’t make it. I had already shelled out the money so there wasn’t really an option of going back. I had long conversations with The Hubs and he reassured me that I could do it but I couldn’t help fighting the nagging fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew.
Today I finished the half marathon in 3 hours and 42 minutes. Not the best time I was hoping for but I DID IT! It was painful and the last two miles I REALLY wanted to give up but I DID IT!
I finished and found my husband and immediately broke down crying. I couldn’t tell him why I was crying, but I couldn’t really stop doing it. Everything hurt. I was so sore and my feet were wrecked but that really wasn’t the reason I was crying.
I am still overweight. I may always will be. But I am nowhere near as HUGE as I used to be. When I first moved in with The Hubs, I could barely walk our dog Romie down to the end of the block without my lower back seizing up and making me stop and catch my breath…and we lived in the MIDDLE of the block! There was a point that I couldn’t tie my own shoes because I was so overweight so I always bought slip ons.
After I had lost a few pounds, I then had an anxiety problem that crippled me in the way of walking out in open spaces. I literally needed to have something to hold on to to get to my destination. If I didn’t I could only walk completely hunched over, staring at the ground until I got somewhere were I knew I would be supported. I can’t explain it but I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall down in open spaces. I was so scared that I would fall and that fear just fed into my anxiety until it was out of control. I don’t pretend to understand and I don’t know how to describe it to others but it was very much there. It had a lot to do with my stress level at the job I had at the time because once we moved and I got a new job it gradually went away.
So as you can see, I had some issues with just being able to walk.
Today, I paid a good amount of money to walk 13.1 miles. And I did it. And I got a shiny medal for it that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart.
This medal means so much more than just finishing a half marathon. This medal means that I have conquered so many fears and doubts about myself that I can’t even name.
That was why I couldn’t stop crying when I finished. It was a release of many years of being held captive by my own mind and body.
I did it!
So many of my friends and family have helped cheer me on along the way. Giving me hope and encouragement when I had none of my own. You ALL told me that I could do it. You ALL believed in me and I didn’t believe in myself. I love you so much for that.
Special shout out to my husband. He was not only behind me every step of the way but he was there to lift me up when I fell. He was privy to a lot of emotional downfalls during my journey and had nothing but positive words and actions to help me through.
Today when he met me after I was done I fell apart. Because I knew I could. I knew he would understand and get me through the rest of the day no matter what. He is a special man and he had stuck through me from 300+ pounds to current and has never wavered with his love and devotion.
So while the medal means a lot to me and I will always look at it with pride, I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that love me and help me out when I need it. You know who you are. 