Okay, this is just amazing to me. I haven’t been able to lose more than a total of seven pounds in about four years. I get gung ho the first week and then start to lose all motivation because I get caught back up in the fact that I love to eat.
When I was losing weight before, I don’t even think it was because I was dieting, but because I was running and burning calories.
I have lost this current weight without even working out!!! Other than choreography for the play, which is nothing compared to my two mile runs every day that I used to do. I can’t even believe it.
Literally. There is a part of me that wonders if the scale needs new batteries or that I need new glasses, but the proof is in the pudding. My jeans are literally falling off me. I had to wear a belt for the first time in forever this week. I look in the mirror and see my double chin going away and my cheekbones emerging. I’m having to tighten my bra rather than wear an extender.
It’s all pretty exciting to say the least. When I first started this blog I stated that I wanted to lose 20 pounds before we take our trip to Vegas in May. Well, I did it! I can’t even believe it. 20.8 to be exact as of yesterdays weigh in. So I have achieved my first mini goal!!! It’s so boggling my mind that I am where I am already. I mean, I know it’s been almost three months, but it really doesn’t seem that long to me. And I really don’t feel like I’m depriving myself much of anything. I mean, I guess it did in the beginning, and I do remember being much more hungry at first, so I guess it is really true that you just need to give yourself enough time to make or break a habit. I don’t even really think about it anymore, I just eat what I know is going to be good to my body and that’s it. Keep my portions small on the bad stuff and fill up on the good stuff. It sounds so stupidly simple when you put it like that, but it’s true.
My broken big toe is finally starting to heal much better now that I’m not dancing on it three days a week, so I’m hoping to actually start getting some exercise in soon. Nothing more than walking and some Walking Off The Pounds DVD’s but it will at least get me moving and getting my heart rate up.
Not much else to report on the weight loss front, I think that is a lot actually. I guess I should set a new mini goal. I have the whole wedding ring thing but I think that’s going to take another month or so.
I guess I’ll go with getting back into a comfortable size 20…though I think I gave them all away when I gave up on ever losing weight, but I can be convinced to go shopping I suppose. 😉
So Friday marked my 9th weekly weight in since I started trying to eat better. I was shocked and amazed to see a 2.2 pound loss when I stepped on the scale. Also, very happy. 🙂
So this brings my weight down to 257 and my total loss to 15.2 pounds.
I haven’t seen the 250’s in about a year so this makes me very very excited.
The weight I was most comfortable at while still being “morbidly obese” was around 220. I was fitting into a size 18 jeans and generally felt really good about my appearance. Of course I was also running on a near daily basis at the time while training for a half marathon, but still…that was my weight.
At this stage in the game though, any loss is a welcome loss. Or even, just not a gain. You see, I’m still not really being super strict or counting calories yet. I’m just cutting my portions down and making better decisions. I’ve got a basic concept of what works for me during the week and I’m just trying to stick to it. Chicken, brown rice and a veggie for dinner. Overnight oats for breakfast and something well balanced for lunch. Veggies and fruits for snacks and I’ve cut out most diet sodas.
I’m beginning to see the loss in my face. My double (triple) chin is getting a bit smaller and my cheekbones are becoming a little bit more pronounced. I really wish I had taken some body shots when I started so I have a real documentation, alas that didn’t happen. I did take some the other day so I will at least have something going forward.
What I am starting to notice are other little things that are changing for me cosmetically. Things I had basically just stopped trying at.
I had pretty much given up on trying to look pretty. My clothes were straight up tee shirts and jeans. Why bother to try and dress nice when everything you wear looks like a sack of potatoes anyway right?
Well, lately I have been buying some new items online. Nothing major, but before I was rotating the same three shirts and the same pair of jeans every day. Now I have a little more variety and some of the things look a lot cuter on me than they would have fifteen pounds ago.
Also, my skin has been a wreck for most of my adult life. I have rosacea, but I’ve never really even attempted to take care of my skin. Turns out that I also have a skin condition I never knew existed. Milia is the name of those white bumps I have scattered all over my cheeks, just under my eyes. I had always assumed they were very stubborn white heads that could only be cured by lancing them and pushing out the small white ball inside it. While you can do this method, they are not whiteheads, but are actually small cysts that are filled with keratin. I had no idea! And I just assumed that I was stuck with these suckers for life. I have had them over a decade and other than lancing them, I have never gotten them to go away with any sort of acne cream – which makes total sense now.
Anyhoo, I gave up on my skin because it was in such a bad way. I would slather on the foundation to cover the rosacea, but the texture of my skin was always off due to the milia. I just learned to live with it. About a month ago, I started using a pretty standard moisturizer. It was just a hydrating gel that I got when we went to Korea to keep my skin from drying out on the plane. I have been using it every single morning after my shower and nothing else. I have found that the texture of my skin is getting better and it doesn’t look so dry and my pores aren’t as prominent.
Yesterday while researching something else, I stumbled upon an article about Milia and found that you can treat it by using raw honey on them. I started that yesterday and we shall see how it goes.
I finally gave myself a much needed haircut yesterday as well. My hair was almost down to my butt and just a mess of straggly split ends.
My point is, that at some point in my weight gain, I gave up on everything else. My clothes. My face. My hair. Even my bra. My stomach was so big that wearing an underwire hurt, so I started buying granny bras and wearing them. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it didn’t do wonders for my self esteem.
I’m now feeling like it’s worth trying to make myself feel that much better by liking other things when I look in the mirror, not just my waistline.
I view this as a huge win. While it is not a win on the scale, I think it is even better than that.
Today was a pretty big day for me. Okay, that is an understatement. Today was a huge milestone in my life.
I walked the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Half Marathon.
I say walked because that is what I did the majority of it. I did jog a bit of it but by no stretch of the imagination did I run it.
It all started back when I began running. I was doing quite well and was very proud of myself and it seemed like a great goal to sign up for a half marathon. I was in a new romance with running and have a long standing romance with Vegas so it just seemed natural. So I shelled out my money and signed up.
…then I strained my IT Band and it sidelined me for a good amount of time. I was disappointed but was sure I could get my training back on track and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got involved in a local play. It zapped a lot of my time and energy but I was sure I could get back to my training and be fine for the marathon.
…then I got sick. TWICE. But I thought sure…blah, blah, blah.
So the last few weeks I have been busting my hump, walking the loop on my lunch breaks and doing long distances on the weekends but I couldn’t fight the fear that I just wouldn’t make it. I had already shelled out the money so there wasn’t really an option of going back. I had long conversations with The Hubs and he reassured me that I could do it but I couldn’t help fighting the nagging fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew.
Today I finished the half marathon in 3 hours and 42 minutes. Not the best time I was hoping for but I DID IT! It was painful and the last two miles I REALLY wanted to give up but I DID IT!
I finished and found my husband and immediately broke down crying. I couldn’t tell him why I was crying, but I couldn’t really stop doing it. Everything hurt. I was so sore and my feet were wrecked but that really wasn’t the reason I was crying.
I am still overweight. I may always will be. But I am nowhere near as HUGE as I used to be. When I first moved in with The Hubs, I could barely walk our dog Romie down to the end of the block without my lower back seizing up and making me stop and catch my breath…and we lived in the MIDDLE of the block! There was a point that I couldn’t tie my own shoes because I was so overweight so I always bought slip ons.
After I had lost a few pounds, I then had an anxiety problem that crippled me in the way of walking out in open spaces. I literally needed to have something to hold on to to get to my destination. If I didn’t I could only walk completely hunched over, staring at the ground until I got somewhere were I knew I would be supported. I can’t explain it but I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall down in open spaces. I was so scared that I would fall and that fear just fed into my anxiety until it was out of control. I don’t pretend to understand and I don’t know how to describe it to others but it was very much there. It had a lot to do with my stress level at the job I had at the time because once we moved and I got a new job it gradually went away.
So as you can see, I had some issues with just being able to walk.
Today, I paid a good amount of money to walk 13.1 miles. And I did it. And I got a shiny medal for it that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart.
This medal means so much more than just finishing a half marathon. This medal means that I have conquered so many fears and doubts about myself that I can’t even name.
That was why I couldn’t stop crying when I finished. It was a release of many years of being held captive by my own mind and body.
I did it!
So many of my friends and family have helped cheer me on along the way. Giving me hope and encouragement when I had none of my own. You ALL told me that I could do it. You ALL believed in me and I didn’t believe in myself. I love you so much for that.
Special shout out to my husband. He was not only behind me every step of the way but he was there to lift me up when I fell. He was privy to a lot of emotional downfalls during my journey and had nothing but positive words and actions to help me through.
Today when he met me after I was done I fell apart. Because I knew I could. I knew he would understand and get me through the rest of the day no matter what. He is a special man and he had stuck through me from 300+ pounds to current and has never wavered with his love and devotion.
So while the medal means a lot to me and I will always look at it with pride, I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that love me and help me out when I need it. You know who you are.
People at work have been telling me I’m an inspiration. Not gonna lie. It feels really good.
I don’t know if I mentioned this or not but my friend and co-worker Julie is my inspiration in the weight loss/fitness game. Last year we both decided we were going to run the Wharf to Wharf 10K in July. I think we had like five months to train and we both got very excited and gung ho. We both started the Couch 25K program independent of each other and after a while I got discouraged with my lack of ability to run and decided I would just walk the darn thing. Julie kept training and ended up running most of the race with her sister. I walked it and finished in just under 2 hours. Jewels finished in under an hour and a half if I remember right. I was very proud of her and kinda disappointed in myself for not keeping with the training like she did.
After the race we both lost a bit of focus and she and I both gained a bit of weight.
Julie regained her motivation while I floundered and she has lost over 50 pounds. She has gone from a size 18 to a size 10. She rocks!!
The reason I tell you this story is because not only is she my inspiration, she is responsible for saving me tons of money as I go through my own weight loss journey now.
In an effort to purge herself of all her “fat clothes” since she knows that she will never ever let herself get that big again, she is giving them to me! I’m not talking a couple of pairs of jeans here, I’m talking about a full wardrobe of shirts, jeans, sweats, capris, dresses and track suits. In sizes 18 to 14 so I have will not have to keep buying clothes as I shrink! How awesome is that??
How is this significant to today’s story?
Because this morning I put on a pair of 16 capri’s with a 14/16 size tee shirt and they FIT! SIXTEEN!!!! I can’t even remember the time I was a size 16! I think I was in my early 20’s and it was when I was on my way back up in weight. Wow. Now, I’m not officially a sixteen because I have some jeans of hers that are a sixteen that are not even close to fitting but I do in fact, now fit into a pair of 16 pants that didn’t fit a month ago. I am over the moon!!