My Very First Half Marathon

Wow.

Today was a pretty big day for me.  Okay, that is an understatement.  Today was a huge milestone in my life.

I walked the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Half Marathon.

I say walked because that is what I did the majority of it.  I did jog a bit of it but by no stretch of the imagination did I run it.

It all started back when I began running.  I was doing quite well and was very proud of myself and it seemed like a great goal to sign up for a half marathon.  I was in a new romance with running and have a long standing romance with Vegas so it just seemed natural.  So I shelled out my money and signed up.

…then I strained my IT Band and it sidelined me for a good amount of time.  I was disappointed but was sure I could get my training back on track and be fine for the marathon.

…then I got involved in a local play.  It zapped a lot of my time and energy but I was sure I could get back to my training and be fine for the marathon.

…then I got sick.  TWICE.  But I thought sure…blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

So the last few weeks I have been busting my hump, walking the loop on my lunch breaks and doing long distances on the weekends but I  couldn’t fight the fear that I just wouldn’t make it.  I had already shelled out the money so there wasn’t really an option of going back.  I had long conversations with The Hubs and he reassured me that I could do it but I couldn’t help fighting the nagging fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew.

Today I finished the half marathon in 3 hours and 42 minutes.  Not the best time I was hoping for but I DID IT!  It was painful and the last two miles I REALLY wanted to give up but I DID IT!

I finished and found my husband and immediately broke down crying.  I couldn’t tell him why I was crying, but I couldn’t really stop doing it.  Everything hurt.  I was so sore and my feet were wrecked but that really wasn’t the reason I was crying.

I am still overweight.  I may always will be.  But I am nowhere near as HUGE as I used to be.  When I first moved in with The Hubs, I could barely walk our dog Romie down to the end of the block without my lower back seizing up and making me stop and catch my breath…and we lived in the MIDDLE of the block!   There was a point that I couldn’t tie my own shoes because I was so overweight so I always bought slip ons.

After I had lost a few pounds, I then had an anxiety problem that crippled me in the way of walking out in open spaces.  I literally needed to have something to hold on to to get to my destination.  If I didn’t I could only walk completely hunched over, staring at the ground until I got somewhere were I knew I would be supported.  I can’t explain it but I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall down in open spaces.  I was so scared that I would fall and that fear just fed into my anxiety until it was out of control.  I don’t pretend to understand and I don’t know how to describe it to others but it was very much there.  It had a lot to do with my stress level at the job I had at the time because once we moved and I got a new job it gradually went away.

So as you can see, I had some issues with just being able to walk.

Today, I paid a good amount of money to walk 13.1 miles.  And I did it.  And I got a shiny medal for it that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart.

This medal means so much more than just finishing a half marathon.  This medal means that I have conquered so many fears and doubts about myself that I can’t even name.

That was why I couldn’t stop crying when I finished.  It was a release of many years of being held captive by my own mind and body.

I did it!

So many of my friends and family have helped cheer me on along the way.  Giving me hope and encouragement when I had none of my own.  You ALL told me that I could do it. You ALL believed in me and I didn’t believe in myself.  I love you so much for that.

Special shout out to my husband.  He was not only behind me every step of the way but he was there to lift me up when I fell.  He was privy to a lot of emotional downfalls during my journey and had nothing but positive words and actions to help me through.

Today when he met me after I was done I fell apart.  Because I knew I could.  I knew he would understand and get me through the rest of the day no matter what.  He is a special man and he had stuck through me from 300+ pounds to current and has never wavered with his love and devotion.

So while the medal means a lot to me and I will always look at it with pride, I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that love me and help me out when I need it.  You know who you are.