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Weigh In and Thoughts on Exercise and Depression

Weight on 6/12/14:                 255
Weight this morning:              250.4
Total loss:                                   -4.6 pounds!

For not dieting, I’d say I’m pretty proud of myself.
Like I said in the last entry, I’m trying to make better choices but I am by no stretch of the imagination counting calories/carbs/points right now.
In the weeks following my birthday(May 30th) I was making some very poor choices and, as a result, I gained those four pounds I just lost, but more than that I felt like total crap, and my blood pressure was the highest it has been in many many years. Like, since I was put on BP meds when I was 26 years old and 300+ pounds. That scared me. A lot.
The good news is that this week of working out for four consecutive days in a row(another mile and a half today!) have brought my blood pressure back down, and I have to say I feel pretty amazing.
This is not new information. I know how great I feel right after I work out. However, it has been well over a year since I exercised regularly enough for it to effect me even longer than the immediate endorphins.
This week I have been going to bed earlier and sleeping better than I have in a very long time. My mood has improved by leaps and bounds. I have been fighting depression a lot the last two years and it had gotten to the point where I just accepted it. I didn’t even notice that it was effecting those around me. I can’t even imagine being my husband and having to put up with me coming home in a foul mood every single day, not wanting to talk only shutting down and wallowing in my own self-pity.
I have felt like a completely different person since I have been exercising. It’s almost shocking. A complete 180 degree turn. I know this sounds like I’m gushing, and I guess I am – but if you have ever lived your life in the dark tunnel of depression, it’s amazing that all I had to do was get out and walk in the sunshine for a half an hour a day.
I’m sure that I knew that back when I was training for the half marathons the first couple of times, and that would make sense because I wasn’t struggling with the depression back then. Not sure if I connected the two things at the time because it’s been a long time since the depression was so encompassing as it has been lately.
I need to make sure I remember this. Hopefully, I won’t need to since I hope to keep on trucking with the exercise.

Three Days in a Row!

I was going to give myself a day off since I had done a mile and a half each the last two days and a girl has got to reward herself. By my lunch break, I had talked myself into only doing a mile, and that would be a sort of break but still have me moving. In the end, here is what I did:


2 Miles!!
Not only did I do 2 miles, but it is also the third consecutive day in a row that I walked on my lunch break. I haven’t done that in years. I usually start out with the best of intentions on a Monday and putter out to maybe twice during the week but never in a row.
I do feel I pushed myself a bit too hard for the heat out there today, but I’m still pretty proud of myself.
My official weigh in is tomorrow but I did sneak a peek at the scale this morning and I was very pleased with what I saw given that I haven’t been dieting, just trying to make small better choices in what I’m eating.
So while I seem to have gotten back on track with the walking(if three days counts – it does to me!), I still don’t have a lot of motivation to start cooking good recipes again.
I think that is mostly because the ones that I’m finding that I want to try are rather involved, and I’ve gotten so used to the time saving convenience foods that I’ve been preparing lately. Not much of an excuse, I know but my lazy butt has gotten used to having a couple hours of couch/tv time a night. And what is stupid is that, just like with exercise, cooking makes me feel better. I enjoy dancing around my kitchen cooking and grooving to my favorite music. I always realize this after I do it – just like running – but it’s like pulling teeth to get me motivated to do either.
I know that I will get there eventually. It’s all a process, and at least I’m making progress, right?
Oh and while I remembered to put sunblock on my face, three days worth of 1/2 hour exposure in the sun has left me a wee bit sunburned.


Here We Go Again…

So yeah, I know. I’ve not really been around this blog and there is a good reason for that.

I gave up.

It all started when I gave myself permission to take the year off from the Vegas 1/2 marathon. I had done it that previous three years and decided I would skip it for 2013 and give myself a break. Apparently, I gave myself a break from EVERYTHING. From exercise to trying to eat right, I have pretty much done NOTHING in the way of trying to get healthy.

Sure, I would start a diet for a couple weeks but even then I was taking little cheats here and here and then complaining because I wasn’t losing any weight. I’d overlook my cheating and get frustrated at my lack of results and quit the diet. Well, you can only be in denial for so long.

My year of denial has cost me an extra 30 pounds, depression, mood swings and the inability to walk a mile without my lower back seizing up like it used to when I was 300+ pounds and I couldn’t walk more than a block.

I’m at 250 pounds. That is the heaviest I’ve been in a darn good long time. A tight size 22 with an uncomfortable amount of girth around my stomach. I feel unhealthy.

So here I go again. I have rejoined weight watchers and started back on the points today. I also took my first walk in forever on my lunch break. I didn’t even make it a mile. After fifteen minutes I had to call it and go inside.

But it’s a start. I want more than anything to get healthy again, definitely more than food.

I know that the holidays are a stupid crazy time to start a diet but I will allow myself to indulge on Christmas with my husbands family as long as I don’t go crazy and get right back to tracking the next day. Working out will become a necessity as I do no like how I feel mentally and emotionally when I don’t.

So here we go again and I look forward to feeling better and hopefully shrinking once more.

Low Carb Weekend Away

So my weekend to myself is winding down already.  It’s been a lot of fun and I have stuck to my diet!

Friday night after work, I drove about an hour to get to my hotel, but before getting to the hotel I had one stop to make:


In N Out Burger is a rare treat for me since the I don’t live near one.  There is one in Salinas but that is kind of a haul to get a burger.  Since this IMG_0220was just a block from my hotel I knew what I was getting for dinner.   A Double Double Protein Style -plain with just cheese is only 3 carbs so I got two and a diet coke.

I ate one before I even left the parking lot because I was STARVING and then checked into my hotel.


The room was pretty cool.  IMG_0215Has a flat screen TV, fridge and microwave.  It fit all of my needs.  I unpacked and settled in.  The television had Direct TV so I was overwhelmed with the amount of movie channels that were offered and spend a great deal of time vegging out to the tube.  I facebooked, wrote a little and did a bit of crochet before eating the second burger and dozing off to the tv.



This morning I woke up and got into my bathing suit.  I hit the hot tub and relaxed for a while before taking a shockingly cold dip in the pool and then back to the room for a quick shower.  Once I was dressed I headed over to Black Bear Diner across the street and got some take out.  I got a Hobo’s Omelet with a side of bacon.


I ate about half.  I was going to have lunch with a friend that was traveling up to see me so I didn’t want to fill up but I was starving.  Oh and I ate all the bacon because, well…BACON!

My friend arrived a little bit later and we headed over to Chevy’s for lunch.  The service was really slow but good.  Our server explained that someone had failed to show up for work today and he was the only one there.  I really appreciated his honesty and felt really bad for him.  The speediness of the service didn’t matter to me today.  I’m not sweating the small stuff this weekend.  It turned out to be a good thing since I hadn’t seen my friend Koly in FOREVER so it gave us a lot of time to sit and talk at length.

We both got the mixed Fajitas.  I didn’t substitute anything I just pulled off the rice and beans when it came and the rest was “legal”.  Tons of meat and veggies and sour cream and guacamole.  It was a little slice of heaven.


After lunch we discovered that Koly’s car wouldn’t start.  It was actually her dad’s truck and the key was kind of warped.  She came to the conclusion that it was just not recognizing the key because she could put it over to the start side and pull the key right out.  She called her boyfriend to go get her dad’s spare key while we walked back to my hotel, less than a block away.  We then took my car to the outlet malls since we had planned on shopping anyway and now had about an hour to kill until her boyfriend got there.

I had never been to the outlet mall and having been now, I can say I think they are a bit overrated.  Not enough parking and they are outside.  In the Gilroy heat.  I didn’t like having to go round and round and round to find a parking space.  However, I DID find a really cute outfit at the Dress Barn out there complete with matching earrings and bracelets.

We tried the other half of the outlet malls but we couldn’t find parking.  I had allotted myself enough carbs to grab a sugar free Starbucks (two pumps sugar free cinnamon dolce and heavy cream) but with out parking I couldn’t get it.  Oh well.  Maybe in the morning before I leave.

By the time we got frustrated with the parking her boyfriend was almost there so we headed over there instead.  Koly was spot on with her diagnosis of the car and it fired right up with a different key.  With her car back in shape we took a second shopping detour and headed to Ross where I got a serious bargain on some Sketchers.  :-)


Back at the hotel I Skyped with my husband and my dogs and now I’m relaxing.  skype

I was going to take a nap but I think I’d rather get to bed early and wake up for a hot tub in the morning before I leave.  Over all I think it was a successful weekend away that was just as good as if I had cheated on my diet.  Maybe even better because I never had that overly full “i’m going to puke” feeling.  :-)

Research, research research

Okay , so I know that being spontaneous has it’s good points, but maybe not so much when it comes to a low carb diet.

Back story:  About once a year I take a weekend by myself and get a hotel room.  No husband, no dogs, no friends.  I reach a boiling point where I just am DONE dealing with people.  I don’t care how much I love you, sometimes I just need a break.  Usually I use this weekend as an excuse to indulge in food and shopping and general sloth like behavior.

I am taking such a weekend this coming weekend but this time I’m going to try and stay on my low carb diet and also get some exercise in.

Now, we all know how easy it is when you are low carbing to stop by your local fast food chain and get a bunless burger right?  But I am planning on enjoying my meals this weekend and so that is proving to take a little research.

Most popular restaurants have websites with their nutritional information.  So I googled the eateries around my hotel and found some usable options.  This of course means I’m at the mercy of chain restaurants but at least I’m not eating out of Burger King every meal.  Once you are well versed in the low carb universe, a lot of people eyeball the entree and can ballpark the carbs, but you never really know how many hidden carbs are in spices or other additives.  At this stage in my weight loss, I am not willing to bargain.

My hotel does not have a gym but it does have a pool so I’m planning on logging some water laps.  I love water.  I could have easily been a fish in a former life and I just love the sensation of water around me.  So between swimming and water walking I’m hoping to burn a few decent carbs off the bod.

So I’ve got some killer choices picked out from the menu’s of the local (albeit chain) food-fare and I’m looking forward to a weekend of no distractions, crocheting and relaxation.  I can’t wait!!!

A weekend out and about with low carb

Forgot to post about my weigh in last week.  Week Two weigh in was down 2 lbs.  Total of six down in two weeks.  Not too shabby.

I don’t have high hopes for a loss this week simply because I haven’t been counting my carbs.  I had a stressful week and am in the process of weaning myself off my antidepressants so I decided to take the pressure off myself and just eat things that are low carb.  When I do this I tend to gain or maintain.  I’m kind of okay with that this week.  I’m certainly not giving up.

This weekend was a bit of an out and about weekend.  Those can either be really good or really dicey when you are low carbing.  This was a good one.

farmstyleI slept in on Saturday morning and didn’t feel very ambitious about cooking but I was pretty hungry.  So I bbreakieran up to the upper freezer and grabbed the Atkins frozen breakfast meal I had bought for just such an occasion.  I was about to throw it in the microwave when I realized I was a little more hungry than that so I whipped up a half batch of Almond Flour Pancakes to go with it.  I was sure glad I did because I wasn’t so much a fan of this frozen meal.  I have tried a lot of the other dinners and love them for the most part but on this one, the eggs were rubbery.  I’m a texture person when it comes to food so this bothered me quite a bit.

Saturday night found us having dinner and a show at our favorite local community theater.  We contemplated whether we wanted to go the safe route and eat at home but since grocery shopping had yet to be done for the week the pickings were slim.  We opted to take our chances at the British pup down below the theater and I’m so glad we did.  I got a house salad with ranch to start and then a bunless burger with three kinds of cheese on top.  The only thing that was wrong with it was that I forgot to ask for bacon on top.  :-)   Rob got the spicy wing basket.

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After we were fully satisfied and headed off to the show where we did cheat a bit and get a sweetened coffee beverage.

Sunday was my girls day.  I got up showered and headed out to Outback Steakhouse with my BFF.  We are both low carbing and so it seemed the logical place to go.  I’d never been before, believe it or not but I had studied up the menu online and was prepared for a low carb meal.  :-)

I got the sirloin with grilled shrimp.  As my two sides I got a house salad with ranch and steamed green beans with butter.  My fellow low carber Paula got the prime rib with a salad and some broccoli on the side.

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Look at those plates!  Anyone who says you can’t get full and eat yummy food out at a restaurant on low carb has clearly never put any effort into it.  :-)

After lunch we went to the mall and did a little shopping and then it was off to a movie.

We commented on the fact that you can get pretty much ANYTHING snack food wise you want at the movies now.  It used to be popcorn and candy and that was it but now you can get pizza, nachos, ice cream, Starbucks…whatever your little heart desires.  Still though, not a lot of good low carb options.  There is always the bunless hot dog in a pinch.  However, I’ve always been a sweets kind of girl at the movies.  I like the big giant box of reeses pieces when I sit down to watch a flick…I blame ET really.

So what I had devised for my plan of action at the movies on this day was this:


This is an Atkins bar that I cut up into little pieces and froze.  I thought that would be the perfect sweet treat for the movies, but of course I forgot it at home.  Thankfully, I was still full from lunch and didn’t crave anything else, but I do recommend doing this in the future.  I think it will really help me to stay out of the candy line.  :-)

Anyhoo, I had a pretty full weekend and still managed to stay on the diet.  Pretty proud of that.

Week One Weigh In

So the total for the first week on low carb as of yesterday was down four pounds.  I was hoping for more but Mother Nature paid me her monthly visit and sidelined me in two different ways.  The first is obviously water weight.  I was down six pounds as of Friday but gained some serious fluid when MN came knocking.  The other was that I had some monster cramps.  This is normal for me and I’m well aware that if I don’t take my Advil on time I will get sick.  Saturday I was on the cusp of being sick and the only thing I knew that would make me better was food.  The cramps were mostly gone but the nausea that I get with them was in full swing, but the last thing wanted to think of was eating meat or eggs or even cheese.  So I made myself an English Muffin.    That made me feel so much better I had another one.  Later, in full Well-I-Already-Cheated-On-My-Diet mode I had a handful of cheeze its but that was it.

Still a four pound loss in a week is nothing to be upset about.

The “Low Carb Flu” was relatively kind to me this first week.  I had some hot flashes, horrible bad breath and the detox headache but it wasn’t as altogether bad as I remember it.  I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

One thing that I know I have been doing is eating more nuts than I should.  I need to reign that back in because that is the reason I usually stall.  It’s just so hard when you only have so many snacks, and I’m a snacky person.  Tonight I remembered cheese chips and pepperoni chips so hopefully those will keep me on a better track.

Not much else to report.  Still plugging away.  I need to make sure I track my carbs better on the weekends but that has ALWAYS been my problem on this diet.  I’m happy with four pounds down and hope to continue to see the scale move in the correct directions.  :-)

Day Two Recap

Today’s Menu
2 Hard Boiled Eggs and Two Chicken Patties(recipe to follow soon) 2 net carbs
1 Chicken Breast with two slices of american cheese and 1/2 cup of canned cut green beans    4 net carbs
Snack: Dry Roasted Edamame    2 net carbs
Dinner:    Pizza Chicken  and green beans 9 net carbs
Snack: 1 oz pecans and 1 string cheese   1.7 net carbs

Total 18.7 net carbs

Today started off with the headache but that did lessen towards the end of the day.  The hot flashes started this afternoon though.  No shakes yet but I was actually TWITCHING for a little bit.  Anyone who tells me sugar isn’t a drug is a liar!  It’s like a withdrawal!!  LOL!  Looking forward to tomorrow!

Day One Back On Low Carb

So we are back on the low carb bandwagon. I have proven myself to have no willpower when it comes to portion control and since the scale keeps creeping up and up it’s time to do something.
I’ve also decided to go ahead and treat this like I did when I first started low carb all those years ago, you know, when it actually worked. So I will be documenting my progress and how I feel during the process, including the dreaded sugar and carb withdrawals.
While we cooked our food in advance last night, today is our official 1st day. I weighed in at 247(!!!!!) this morning.
So far it’s not that bad but the shakes and the sweats don’t usually hit me until the 2nd or 3rd day.
One of my coworkers made cupcakes but I’ve managed to successfully avoid them thus far. First day willpower is always higher than a few days in right? Heh.
Started getting the stomach yuckies around three thirty.  The only description I can give to the stomach yuckies is that it feels like you are hungry but you don’t want to eat anything.  This may well be because I didn’t bring enough food and I was actually starving because I ate a small snack and felt a little better after.  Around four thirty I started to get a headache that was very faint and would come and go.  It’s now 7:20 in the evening and the headache is in full swing.  Also a bit sweaty even though it’s pretty chilly in my house right now.  The “Carb Flu” is definitely setting in.  I just have to remember that this only lasts a week tops and then it’s smooth sailing.

Here is a recap of my menu today:

Breakfast:  Sliced sausage covered in cheddar cheese and two hard boiled eggs.    2 net carbs

Lunch: 1 Serving of Hamburger Broccoli Alfredo(recipe to follow soon)  3 net carbs

Snack: 1 serving of  Dry Roasted Edamame      2 net carbs

Dinner: 3 Chicken Patties(recipe to follow soon) with a TBS of sour cream  and a cup of canned green beans with butter    10 net carbs

Snack:  Cheddar Cheese Stick and 1 oz of pecans   2.2 net carbs

Daily Total:  19.2 net carbs.

Silence is not so golden

As you know when weight loss blogs become silent it is usually not a good thing.

I lost fifteen pounds on the purification program back in January and promptly lost all motivation and gained it all back plus a couple more.

I don’t know what is wrong with me but I have lost all my drive and focus.  Exercise has become unimportant and I’m feeling depressed and tired all the time.  None of my clothes fit and I refuse to buy bigger sizes since I gave all my fat clothes away…that means that my muffin top just keeps growing and there is only so much camouflaging I can do…

More than the looks department, there is the depression that has taken hold and I KNOW what will make it better.  I know that exercise and eating right always clears my head and makes me feel happy and focused.  So why am I denying myself what I know will make me feel better?  Why do I choose to be depressed?  Because essentially that is exactly what I am doing.  Is it easier for me to just sit on my butt and feel sorry for myself than to spend an extra 30 minutes doing something active that will change my outlook for the entire day?  Apparently, I seem to think so.

I have had a lot of my plate recently.   Family issues sent me back to Maine for two weeks where all I did was stress out and eat and I haven’t been able to shake it.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be turning 37.   That is three years away from 40.  I am no where near where I wanted to be at this stage in my life.  So I am taking it back.

Along with a lot of girls in my office I will be going back on the purification for 21 days.  After that I am going back to what has always worked for me.  Counting calories and exercise.

When I was back in Maine I found two beat up pieces of notebook paper that I used to use to keep track of my weight loss.  The dates ranged from mid April of 1994 to January of 2005 and chronicled weights from 203 to 174.  Week by week it showed the downsizing, including the sizes of the jeans that I got into at certain weights.  All I was doing at that point was keeping myself at 1200 calories and working out daily.  It didn’t come off super fast(about 1.5 a week) but it did come off steady and I remember how happy I was back then.

Tomorrow I’m going to take some before pictures and get back on this thing.  While the weight coming off will make me look better, it is more about making me FEEL better this time around.

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