Silence is not so golden

As you know when weight loss blogs become silent it is usually not a good thing.

I lost fifteen pounds on the purification program back in January and promptly lost all motivation and gained it all back plus a couple more.

I don’t know what is wrong with me but I have lost all my drive and focus.  Exercise has become unimportant and I’m feeling depressed and tired all the time.  None of my clothes fit and I refuse to buy bigger sizes since I gave all my fat clothes away…that means that my muffin top just keeps growing and there is only so much camouflaging I can do…

More than the looks department, there is the depression that has taken hold and I KNOW what will make it better.  I know that exercise and eating right always clears my head and makes me feel happy and focused.  So why am I denying myself what I know will make me feel better?  Why do I choose to be depressed?  Because essentially that is exactly what I am doing.  Is it easier for me to just sit on my butt and feel sorry for myself than to spend an extra 30 minutes doing something active that will change my outlook for the entire day?  Apparently, I seem to think so.

I have had a lot of my plate recently.   Family issues sent me back to Maine for two weeks where all I did was stress out and eat and I haven’t been able to shake it.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be turning 37.   That is three years away from 40.  I am no where near where I wanted to be at this stage in my life.  So I am taking it back.

Along with a lot of girls in my office I will be going back on the purification for 21 days.  After that I am going back to what has always worked for me.  Counting calories and exercise.

When I was back in Maine I found two beat up pieces of notebook paper that I used to use to keep track of my weight loss.  The dates ranged from mid April of 1994 to January of 2005 and chronicled weights from 203 to 174.  Week by week it showed the downsizing, including the sizes of the jeans that I got into at certain weights.  All I was doing at that point was keeping myself at 1200 calories and working out daily.  It didn’t come off super fast(about 1.5 a week) but it did come off steady and I remember how happy I was back then.

Tomorrow I’m going to take some before pictures and get back on this thing.  While the weight coming off will make me look better, it is more about making me FEEL better this time around.

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